30 Hilarious Marriage Tweets that Show What It’s Really Like to Be Married

These hilarious marriage tweets give us a glimpse of what it's *really* like to be married, and we can't get over how funny and endearing they all are.

“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, and even when you’re angry-tweeting about me. “If you thought that the married life was a continuity of the OH-MY-GOD-I-CAN’T-KEEP-MY-HANDS-OFF-YOU dating era, there are more than a few couples who beg to differ. These couples are the ones who are debunking marriage myths one tweet at a time, for the world to see. If you’ve tied the knot with your SO, you will find your people and connect with these marriage tweets on a spiritual level. If you’re single, these 280-character texts will show you what you can expect or simply make you laugh your heart out!

Get the popcorn. Your day is about to get 10 times better with these 30 marriage tweets!

30. The Three Stages

marriage tweets under the weather

As we said, here is a short description of the natural evolution of a relationship.

Take it from these people. 

29. Trading Lingerie for Pie

marriage tweets pie

One changes priorities and expectations over time.

Going from lingerie to pie is a bit of a stretch, but you get the idea!

28. This Guy Does It—Or So He Says

marriage tweets break leg

Hard to believe, but OK.

Hey, he’s just trying to keep the spark alive!

27. Acing Parenting

marriage tweets obedience

Being a good parent is tough work. It’s a never-ending 24/7 job that won’t even give you medical insurance.

So we’re welcoming any hacks that might make parents’ lives easier. 

26. When Your Social Lives Get Too Mixed Up

marriage tweets mustard

Technology isn’t always grownups’ forte, but sometimes, it seems like they just don’t care enough to try.

We suspect that’s the case here!

25. The OneWho Sees Opportunities Everywhere

marriage tweets mac n cheese

It is advised that couples spice up their daily life to keep things exciting.

But mac and cheese in a tub? That must be a first. 

24. We Love Each Other, But Not Too Much

marriage tweets love dog

Nothing can reach the level of dedication a dog has for a human.

Not even spousal love. 

23. He. Just. Can’t. Get. It. Right.

marriage tweets lottery

Oh no, you didn’t.

Forgetting Valentine’s Day is one thing, but the marriage anniversary and the kids’ birthdays? That will not go unnoticed. 

22. When He’s Annoying to Death

marriage tweets slide show

I heard one day that the habits that make us fall in love with a person become those that irritate us the most after a while.

We guess that might be the case here. 

21. The Fastest Way to Wealth

marriage tweets roof

Stubbornness reaches sky-rocketing levels when one is on a ladder or a roof.

Stay safe, folks!

20. Home Alone 3

marriage tweets home alone

Marriage means sacrifice, @Skoogeth.

Breathe deep and let this go. 

19. Play Time?

In case you’d like to bring some spontaneity to your relationship, we have five romantic ideas.

And high heels remain optional. 

18. The Deadly Stare

marriage tweets haircut

If one of you loves puns more than the other, awkward silences like this one become frequent.

Despite that, we pun lovers will never miss an opportunity to showcase our talent. Ever. 

17. When Your Wife Scares You

We have a better idea: How about you go as a superhero couple this year?

Our favorite is the Rocket and Groot one. It’s a real steal!

16. At Least They Agreed on the Name

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names… can also hurt me.

READ MORE: 20+ Tinder Bios That Will Make You Swipe Right Instantly

15. Sometimes, You Guys Agree

marriage tweets garage car

When learning how to drive, we all had that one-time (or more, no judging) instinct to wigglein our seat when making a narrow turn.

Having the person next to you not laughing their butt off at this mistake must feel good, though. 

14. That’s What We’ve Been Saying, Too!

To each their own!

Snappy 280-character texts are a form of love, y’know. 

13. Stop. STOP!

marriage tweets funny drive

Breathe, Jessie, breathe.What did the mailbox ever do to you?

12. The Right Questions

marriage tweets morning fight

You gotta keep things exciting for the both of you, right?

Arguments about a dog’s favorite color are part of it!

11. The Sense of Achievement Is Relative

marriage tweets dishwasher

Many people wonder how there could be a correct way to load a dishwasher.

To settle down this argument once and for all, the answer is: YES! There are even online tutorials for that. You’re welcome. 

10. Damaged

marriage tweets brain damage

We laughed at the joke, but in all seriousness, Dan Quackroyd is a hilarious name.

Every relationship needs a funny spouse who’s in charge of the good mood! 

9. Financial Planning vs. Starbucks

marriage tweets college

College tuition fees are reaching all-time highs this year.

The majority of parents who want to get their kids through college must be saving big bucks early on. Sorry, but pumpkin spice lattes are out!  

8. Not-So-Kind Reminder

marriage tweets childbirth

We don’t want to play the devil’s advocate, but we will take your wife’s side on that one.

Childbirth really is painful! 


marriage tweets pool party

He can’t handle the truth!

Although we’re in love with how considerate the wifey is. Kudos to her! 

6. We Actually Laughed

marriage tweets breakup

More than anything, this joke is incredibly goofy and adorable.

+1 for cuteness! 

5. The Hint

marriage tweets black widow

Fear for your life, for when the wife is angry, nothing can stop her.

Except a hearty bowl of spaghetti. Maybe. 

4. The Devil Is in the Details

marriage tweets pedantic

There are some grammar fails that can make us cringe and weep, but there are others we can overlook, even if we’re internally screaming.

You gotta chose your battles.

3. Drastic Measures

marriage tweets fries

Ah! The timeless fries vs. salad arguments!

@NewDadNotes might have found a groundbreaking solution to it, though. 

2. Don’t Get the Wrong Idea

marriage tweets vacuuming

Helping withthe chores is the new sexy. If you don’t believe us, you might want to check out this new research study.

Couples who divide their housework load fairly feel happier and experience more intimacy than those who don’t. We told you, vacuuming will lead to more interesting things!

1. Yeah But No

marriage tweets skipping parties

You know what they say: Find yourself someone who hates the same things you do.

But despite all this online nagging, and no matter how often things get tough between you, it will always stay the two of you vs. the world.

What do you think of these marriage tweets? Do you have a Twitter account where you let off some steam? Let us know in the comments! If you liked these hilarious marriage tweets, you will be happy to know that there is more, as parents also need to vent about having kids online. Check our next article for the funniest parenting tweets on the internet!