20 of The Funniest Fortune Cookies That Will Leave You Wanting More

Do you believe in fortunes? Fortune tellers, fortune cookies, tea leaf readings, etc.? We’re fair-weather friends when it comes to this particular pastime. We like to pick and choose: if our fortune is positive, we 100% believe it will come true. If it’s negative, we 100% believe fortunes are a crock of you-know-what and are annoyed with ourselves for having wasted time reading them. And sometimes, when we get a particular funny fortune cookie, we just laugh out loud.

Take a look at these funny fortune cookies we found on Bored Panda and be grateful they weren’t hidden inside your cookie. If they were? We’re so sorry!

20.) Now You Gotta Share

Funny Fortune Cookie

This funny fortune cookie is oh so true. It’s as though that pup put the fortune in there himself.

How could you say no to that face — especially if it was National Pet Day. Which, as a reminder, was April 11. We hope this owner shared a bit of their General Tso’s Chicken or, if not, at least a bit of that cookie!

19.) Yikes

Funny Fortune Cookie

There are funny fortune cookies and then there are scary fortune cookies. This falls into the latter category.

Does this fortune teller know something the recipient doesn’t?

18.) That’s Deep

Funny Fortune Cookie

We can’t tell if this is some sort of guilt trip, anti-bullying campaign or what. But we don’t like it.

What happened to the fortunes that promise riches and never ending happiness? Or the funny fortunes — like the #11 funny fortune cookie on our list?

17.) When Your Cookie Has A Sense of Humor

Funny fortune cookie for the win!

We like whoever wrote this one and would be happy to read more fortunes like this anytime. Do they personify all of the cookies or do some actually predict the future too?

16.) We LOVE This Fortune

Funny Fortune Cookie

We’re all thinking it, right? Binging pizza in front of your favorite Netflix shows doesn’t count in the calorie world because no one sees. We’re just glad this cookie finally spelled out what everyone thinks but never says. Because if it’s in a fortune cookie, it’s gotta be true, right?

Although, not all desserts should be shameful: here are 5 Healthy Desserts that are so delicious, you’ll completely forget they have calories (of which there are very, very few).

15.) Pot, Meet Kettle

Funny Fortune Cookie

“Do as I say and not as I do, right?” We all heard that growing up. Or, how about “the pot calling the kettle black.”This funny fortune cookie certainly demonstrates these cliches well.

14.) How Ironic!

Funny Fortune Cookie

According to the person who submitted these funny fortune cookie papers, “My coworker just came back from sick leave; he had a heart attack. To celebrate, we went for Chinese. These were in his fortune cookie.”

We bet his heart skipped a beat when he read these fortunes.

13.) What a Sick Joke

Funny Fortune Cookie

Maybe this funny fortune cookie is telling him he needs to step up his physical therapy.

Hopefully. Otherwise, this is just a slap in the face.

12.) Is There an Opposite of #RelationshipGoals?

Funny Fortune Cookie

We certainly hope so, as it’s what these crazy fortunes would fall under.

A husband and wife went for a romantic Chinese dinner. She received the fortune on the top and he received the fortune on the bottom. Talk about an awkward drive home.

11.) Oops

Funny Fortune Cookie

It’s kind of like when you text the wrong person and quickly reply, “Oops, didn’t mean that for you.”

We wish this funny fortune cookie had provided a few more details, though. Should the first one be ignored because the current BAE is sticking around?

10.) Two Tickets To Coney Island, Please! 

Funny Fortune Cookie

If this was your fortune, consider booking a flight to NYC and heading to Coney Island for Nathan’s Hotdog Eating Contest. Sounds like theremight be plenty of singles that might be ready to mingle with you!

While you’re in NYC, don’t forget to check out the best pizza joints, best rooftop bars and best bottomless brunch spots — all of which have delicious options for competitive eaters (and competitive eaters in training).

9.) Role Reversal

Funny Fortune Cookie

These fortunesare pretty amazing — the wife is advised to stop spending but the husband is advised to start spending more. We think this could actually work, though — the wife can simply give her husband her “wish list” and he can do her spending for her. Right?

Hopefully, that’s not too un-PC to say. At least it’s not as bad as vintage politically incorrect ads.

8.) Hmmm

Funny Fortune Cookie

If this was handwritten it may be cause for concern but since it was typed, we’ll just attribute it to being another funny fortune cookie!

We hope …

7.) Macabre (But True)

Funny Fortune Cookie

We were once told that if chased by a bear, to find a hill and run down it as bears can’t run downhill.

This is NOT TRUE. Bears can run 37 miles an hour, whether it’s uphill or downhill! If you’re being chased by a bear, good luck. You’ll need it.

6.) Backhanded Compliments Are The Best

Funny Fortune Cookie

If you don’t get it, don’t worry. Just keep reading and enjoy the rest of these funny fortune cookies.

Afterall, even the bluntest of tools in the shed are worthy.

5.) While You Can?

Funny Fortune Cookie

This funny fortune cookie is right up there with #19. Is this cookie trying to tell us something? Should we be worried?

Perhaps we’ll plan a trip to London and see their top sites “while we can.”

4.) Harsh!

Funny Fortune Cookie

Since when did fortune cookies sling out harsh words?

We hope the recipient of this funny fortune cookie had thick skin and didn’t take offense to being referred to as a Muppet.

3.) Maybe It’s Your Sig Other’s Though? 

Funny Fortune Cookie

If your significant other gets money, it’s pretty much your money too, right? “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine?”

Or perhaps it will be a close friend and they’ll share their riches with you. A bottle of one of these most expensive bottles of wine would be a fun place to start.

2.) Bad Timing

Funny Fortune Cookie

There’s a time and a place for everything. We don’t know if the creator of this cookie was trying to make a funny fortune cookie or a political statement but either way, he failed.

Childhood hunger is a real problem around the world. The statistics are sad and ones that people should be aware of. However, there’s a time and a place for everything and a fortune cookie isn’t the proper place.

1.) Love Is Love

Funny Fortune Cookie

According to a Bored Panda user, her 9-year-old daughter received this message inside her fortune cookie. According to the girl’s mom, “I couldn’t be happier for her.”

Some people keep a favorite fortune in their wallet — normally one that promises riches, love, or something else amazing. Do you? Share it in the comments! Better yet, do you keep a copy of the worst one you’ve ever received? Show us!

Click “Next Story” to learn about The Best Healing Chrystals For Beginners.

IPA Craze! Why Everyone Is So Obsessed With IPA Beer IPA Craze! Why Everyone Is So Obsessed With IPA Beer