Dad Gets Revenge On Nurse Who Called Him ‘Mom’ Only To Apologize A Day Later
Making The Leap
Based in Los Angeles, Bennett Kaspar-Williams first realized he was Trans around 10 years ago, around his 20s and realized that he now falls under the category of LGTBQ.
Bennet only made the transition process 3 years later after something amazing in his life happened, that made him realize that he needs to live his truth and liberate himself from the stereotypes that held him back and surrounded his life.
Making The Change
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Just like most people who follow their heart and choose love, Bennett only began the transition process once he met his now husband Malik, who he married in 2019. He discovered that he could be the person he wants to be and have it all.
Bennett already knew that he wanted to start a family with Malik, so beginning the transition was a process he was ready for and nothing was going to stand in his way
The Transition Process
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Two years after beginning hormone treatment, in the summer of 2015, Bennett had surgery to remove his breasts with the procedure costing him $5.000. He says it took the operation to make him realize how unhappy he was about having female breasts, and the entire process was really liberating.
Bennett says he had this feeling that it was something that he needed to do. Bennett felt emancipated once he began transitioning. He had found love and now he had finally found himself.
Self Love
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Bennett firmly says that he never had self-hatred for his female breasts, like some Trans people. He had no dysphoria about certain body parts and still doesn’t till today. However the main theme throughout the experience is how he never could have anticipated the relief he would have to find them gone.
It felt like a huge weight was off his shoulders. He also said that his breast removal was the end of his surgical road when it comes to transitioning and that his bottom half was off the table.
Finding And Embracing Love
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The couple intended to start a family and began discussing their options before deciding to try the natural route. Bennett had to discontinue his testosterone hormone medication. Bennett’s ovaries were able to function as a result of this.
However the decision to carry and give birth was not a straightforward decision for Bennet. He knew it was a possibility that his body might achieve pregnancy, but it was something he battled with for a while, until he learned to separate the function of his body from gender notions.
Expanding The Family
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Bennett claims that the process of trying to conceive, being successful and eventually being pregnant did not pose any challenges to his gender identification. The only thing that made him uncomfortable was how medical professionals assumed his gender the entire time.
Bennett says once he learned to think of his body as a tool and not a collection of gendered stereotypes, he realized that he could be both the person he wanted to be and be able to bring a child into the world.
Pregnancy Blues
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Since Bennett decided to take that leap to conceive naturally, the rest was up to his body to do what needed to be done. He says that no one could ever really know whether having children is possible until you try.
Being born with a uterus does not give you the certainty that you will be able to conceive or carry a baby full-term. He continued by saying that none of these things are universally true.
It’s A Boy
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Bennett found out he was pregnant in March 2020, after falling pregnant naturally without any medical intervention other than coming off hormones. He says they expected the process to take longer than it did, however everything happened quicker than planned.
The couple was over the moon about the soon to be new addition to the family. However 2020 was when the world was also overwhelmed by not only a pandemic but by lockdown and isolation. Due to this his high spirits were replaced by anxiety and how he would keep himself and the baby safe.
The Anxiety Of Birth
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Bennett discovered that he was pregnant a week before they went into Lockdown, so the pressure of lockdown, pandemic and safety made him nervous. Bennet and Malik welcomed their beautiful baby boy Hudson via cesarean section in October 2020, the couple was elated by this, however.
While in hospital, Bennet says he was constantly misgendered, even though he had a beard and flat chest, the nurses and medical staff could not be bothered with using the correct pronoun for him.
Misgendering
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The only thing that made Bennett dysphoric about his pregnancy was the misgendering that happened to him when he was getting medical care. Even with a full beard and a ‘male’ gender marker on all of his identification, nurses could not help but default into calling him ‘mom’, ‘mother’ or ‘ma’am’.
This made him even more dysphoric about his identity. To an extent it erased the hard work and mental work he had done in separating his gender from being able to give birth.
Nothing Felt Feminine
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Bennet says nothing about being pregnant felt ‘feminine’ to him, in fact, carrying a child , isolated due to the pandemic and facing all the hospitals and appointments alone was the absolute toughest, bravest thing he has ever done.
Nothing feels stronger than being able to say ‘I am a dad who created my own child.’ That carries strength and depth in itself.
The Meaning of Womanhood And Motherhood
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No one can ever really know whether having a child is possible until you try, these are words Bennett told himself during his process of giving birth and that it is very important that we stop defining ‘womanhood’ in terms of ‘motherhood’, because it’s a false equivalency that all women can become mothers that all mothers carry their children, or that all people who carry children are mothers.
Bennett basically redefined the norm of what motherhood means and how there is no connection between womanhood and motherhood.
Concept of Motherhood
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Bennett says the business pregnancy and he reiterates his stance about it being a business, because the entire institution of pregnancy care in America is centered around selling this concept of ‘motherhood’ being intertwined with gender that makes it hard to escape being misgendered.
Bennett’s experience with the medical stuff misgendering him is what made him speak out against the prejudice most Trans people receive on a daily basis, not only from medical staff but from people in general.
Best Thing About Fatherhood
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Bennett says the best thing about being a dad is seeing Hudson share his new discoveries daily. ‘It is beautiful to see how unclouded children are by prejudice, when he discovers he can do something new, he runs over to me shouting ‘Dada!’, that is my best moment’ .
Bennett also adds that ‘Children are these amazing beings that don’t see the world with the same bias and preconceptions that adults do’.
To My Son
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‘To my son, there is nothing more natural than having a Dada and a Papa and when he is old enough, he will come to know that his Dada was the one who carried him and took care of him, so he could come into this world.
Children see love, patience and commitment, my son will no doubt accept that he came from me, just as he accepts all the other love and beauty around him, with open arms. Those are the words of a Dada hoping only for the best for his son.
