After breaking up with somebody you loved, the shock can be overwhelming and it’s normal to work through the loss. There’s going to be pain, longing and maybe even depression. But most experts advocate taking it slow; some say that for every year you were together, you should wait one month before dating again. And yet just like falling in love can feel irrational and illogical at times, so can ending the relationship … causing some people to do crazy things like immediately join online dating sites, but for what reason?
Sadly, some people will start dating—or at least put up a profile on a dating site—with the hopes that her ex will find out about it. Revenge seems like a great idea at the time in the heat of the moment but it will never do any good. Also, revenge by online dating sites will come across immature like “Nah-nah, I don’t need you, I have somebody else”.
Clearly, this isn’t a healthy approach and will probably just end up with more hurt feelings all around, even for the dater. But more than that, it proves that the person jumping into the dating pool is not over the former partner, no matter how much she protests to the contrary. Instead, a few days should be given to calm down so that the actions post-breakup are mature and classy. Forget revenge, take the high road.
4.) Ego Boost
A breakup can be a huge blow to a person’s self-confidence, especially after being left for someone else. The ego always wants to recover as quickly as possible so feelings of not being good enough will fade. Online profiles often bring fast results and having new potential dates fawning, flirting and “winking” can certainly make a fragile ego feel better—and more attractive. This is especially true when an attractive person or someone you consider out of your league, complimented you. At least on some level, it beats wallowing in self-pity. But satisfying the ego very rarely satisfies the soul, which is why this is really just a shallow Band-Aid approach.
We all want closure after something tragic happens and it’s natural to want that when a relationship has gone sour. The illusion might be that moving on right away will bring closure to the painful breakup, through creating new experiences with somebody else. Putting up a profile is a small step but a symbolic move. And yet, unless enough time has passed for healing to take place, it’s very unlikely that this will work; it’s like getting a tattoo to camouflage a scar when the cut is still bleeding.
Therefore it’s important that you are able to give yourself closure and understand that you broke up because the relationship was broken and that’s it. If you look for closure from your ex, it’s unlikely that you’ll receive it. More often than not, an ex may be dishonest about why they ended the relationship to avoid further hurting your feelings. What use is a lie?
Therefore, you must give yourself the closure. Without doing so, you may become anxious when you decide to pursue someone new. You’ll be thinking of why your ex decided that they didn’t want to be with you any longer and if someone new will dislike the same things your ex. As time goes on, this could make you very closed off, making it difficult for anyone to get to know you enough to decide if they like you, making dating new people that much harder.
Some people fill the void by getting a pet right away. Others will spend more time with friends or family. But whatever way you slice it, after spending so much time with one person, there are going to be feelings of emptiness when they’re gone. It’s also hard to retrain habits and if your habit is to hang out with somebody and go on romantic outings, the best way to feed that habit might seem like dating someone new…or at least chatting and emailing with dating site hotties looking for action.
Feelings of loneliness are not caused by being alone. Loneliness is caused by a lack of relationships that feel deep and meaningful. Online dating sites can help you to meet a life-mate but this takes time. Therefore, loneliness will not be satisfied by short-term conversations with people online.
1.) Pain Avoidance
Breakups hurt and people use all kinds of tactics to avoid pain, including falling into addictive behavior. Some drink, some smoke, some do drugs and some eat too much. And after experiencing the pain of a breakup, some people naturally think they can ease that pain by dating somebody else. It’s like we were taught as kids: Just get back on the horse. And if the horse is another partner, well, at least it hurts less to jump on than to be trampled. Even just browsing countless online profiles can seem to soothe the pain.
However, a great thing to do is give yourself space for your emotions to return to normal. Give yourself time to be sad and then to heal. Do things just for your own well-being even if it’s just dressing up and looking good. Do it for yourself, no one else. Go out with your friends and have fun. Finally, think about what you want from a partner before joining online dating sites. It’ll make it easier to spot the person you want when they arrive.
The important thing is to only join online dating sites post-breakup when you feel you’re truly ready to meet a new partner. Let’s face it, online dating seems to be the future. So if you’re over your breakup and ready to date, we’ve got a few pages for you. Take a look at these tips for online dating and “don’t”s for dating.