The first rule in the dating book is that you never break up via text. However, in our rapid-fire text message world and non-stop Tinder notifications age, the rules are shifting. Not only are some couples calling things off via text, but they also get creative in doing so, resulting in some savage and yet funny breakup texts.
Forget about sweet romance letters and Shakespearean sonnets; forget about movie-like goodbyes and cry-under-the-rain breakups; these people have none of that.
Whether it’s out of revenge or to harness internet karma, here are the funny breakup texts of couples who brutally ended things!
1. The Wake-Up Call
Short, effective, savage. We give it a 10/10.
Every once in a while, it’s healthy for a couple to assess where they’re at and for each of them to honestly ask themselves whether they are suitable for each other or not. This person clearly knows it’s not the case.
2. Single Who?
Ah! The timeless knock-knock joke.
Although we can think of a few other ways to break up with someone that actually would be “not too harsh,” because this is one clearly is.
3. The Secondhand Breakup
Your best friend usually gets your back. His mission is to help you conquer your fears, help you in times of need and act as your wingman to help you score a date.
His duties do not include, under any circumstances, alerting your girlfriend you’re going to break up with her. Double-check who you’re sending your messages to, people.
4. The Gym Reference
Wait, what?! Sometimes, it’s hard to tell whether a person meant what they said.
If someone breaks up with you like this, though, it sure makes it easier to say goodbye.
5. The Math Problem
We wanna know the backstory of this text. Is it a conversation between two middle-schoolers or the aftermath of a Tinder date gone south?
In any case, someone seems to need a few grammar lessons. We suspect it’s one of the things that “are not working out.”
6. The IDC Attitude
This sounds like an unsuccessful attempt to join Super Villain Academy.
If some people try to find the kindest words to break up with someone; others seem to rejoice in the prospect of emotionally hurting others. Fortunately, not everybody cares, just like this young gal/lad. Good for them!
7. The Movie
Hollywood doesn’t fall short in the breakup movies category.
If you’re a cinephile, you can choose between The Break-Up, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, or Get Over It to break the news. We can’t guarantee the reaction of your partner, though.
8. The Sense of Humor
Autocorrect fails can result in some of the most hilarious texts.
We’re not talking about the usual “duck you” that enrages most of us, we’re talking about the autocorrect blunders that happen at the worst times possible, just like this one.
When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, simply say “Nah”!
This person doesn’t know when to quit, even when clearly told off.
10. The One Who Didn’t Think Things Through
Hah! The player just got played.
For all those wondering, here is how things should have gone:
“Wanna see a magic trick?”
“POOF! You’re single.”
11. The Lesson
Remember that episode in Friends when Rachel met Russ, Ross’s doppelganger, after her breakup? It was such a cringe-worthy moment that even her friends didn’t know how to talk to her about it.
This person has clearly set her priorities right, and one of them is to never meet someone like her ex. Pretty smart.
12. The Lame Excuse
This is honestly the best follow-up to the timeless “It’s not you, it’s me.”
This exchange is cheesy, at best, but we need to admit that it’s sweeter than most of the conversations on the list, just like the next one.
13. The Emoji Language
If it’s considered a sin by many to break up via text, doing so with emojis only should downright be a blasphemy.
How could anyone be so oblivious to good manners and civility and not take the time to write complete sentences when breaking up? Some individuals need courses in the art of dating and breaking up.
14. The Justin Bieber Fanatic
If we could make a wild guess, we would say that one of the reasons for this breakup is the slight insensitivity of this person.
Even in the most serious situations, some people simply can’t resist the urge to make puns, quote movies or sing the lyrics of their favorite artist.
Oh, shoot! This conversation took an unexpected turn.
Some conversations prove themselves to be real emotional rollercoasters, and it’s best to jump off of them as soon as possible.
16. The Remorse
Oh, the burn. Literally.
What can be more savage than breakup texts? Post-breakup texts.
17. The Grammar Butcherer
Oh no, not the grammar mistakes again. We cringed enough with these grammar fails, but we can’t take any more than that.
We already covered some reasons why people join dating sites after their breakup, but we might need to add “to look for someone with good grammar.”
18. The Sassy Kid
Can you believe this conversation happened between two primary school students?
It caused an uproar on Twitter as everyone cheered for this girl’s witty comeback. Who could have guessed an eleven-year-old would have more sass than us adults?
19. The New Town
Dumpsville’s population is actually quite large, and many of us have stayed there at least once in our lives.
But to remind someone that they have been dumped is always harsh.
20. Autocorrect Strikes Again
Jenna and Jason will have a serious talk once he gets home.
21. The Sassy One
How heartless would you be to dump someone who’s on vacation? Or maybe it was premeditated? Thinking of it, calling things off while the other person is on a cruise is the perfect way to protect yourself from their wrath and give them some time to cool off. It’s still low, though.
Luckily, this person isn’t bothered in the least. That’s the spirit!
22. Take a Hint!
Breaking up with a single sentence would still be ten times better than leading on a person with these guesses when they’re clearly not catching on to what’s happening.
I mean, it’s kinda misleading: Britney and Justin were considered the hottest young couple of the ’90s!
23. *Na Na Na Na Na Na*
Get the Batmobile, Alfred, we have a lame breakup situation to defuse.
And that situation was unsuccessful.
24. Can’t Catch Them All
Catching Pokemon was for the nerds only, right?
Wrong. Now they are breaking up!
25. 11:11 Make A Wish
Relationships are hard. Trying to agree on something and having the same opinion can be difficult.
Making a 11:11 wish can be fun, but we wonder what wish will come true.
26. Girl Power
These two girls are in a situation that’s awful. They are both finding out they have been cheated on. Luckily, girls stick together.
You know the old saying: girls rule, boys drool.
27. Ignoring You
If you don’t acknowledge the person that is attempting to break up with you, are you really breaking up with them?
This person just doesn’t care and wants to change the subject.
28. We Are Breaking Up After This Poem
Imagine creating a poem with the person you loved, and then having them break up with you after.
This is so funny because it’s creative and it wasn’t expected.
29. Not Supportive
If you are pregnant and your partner does this to you, dump them.
They don’t deserve your love.
30. Xbox Fail
Which one is worse: getting cheated on or your Xbox being broken?
Apparently, this guy thought his Xbox getting destroyed was worse.
31. Texting the Wrong Person, Part 1
Oops, the dad went all Papa Bear.
Thank u, next!
32. Texting the Wrong Person, Part 2
Cheating is not okay.
Especially when you are not careful with who you text!
33. Different Views
Sometimes you have different views in a relationship.
In this example, they have extremely different views.
34. Pinky Promise Gone Wrong
This is too funny!
Being friends with your ex is a terrible idea.
Imagine being the worst person and not accepting love.
They deserve to be left.
36. Focus On You
It is a great thing to have self-esteem.
Even though breakups are difficult, you need to make sure you take care of yourself!
37. What Did We Just Read?
This is such a strange thing to ask. For starters, this breakup is not romantic.
It seems awkward and there are no feelings involved.
38. Awkward, Much?
How awkward is this? It not fun when everyone else knows something important and you don’t!
Especially about a breakup.
39. Fail Breakup
This person broke up with their significant other the wrong way.
Maybe don’t ask for their help the next time around.
We are told when we are younger that honesty is the best policy. Sometimes.
Being brutally honest is not the best thing to do.
41. At Pat’s
Autocorrect can either make a super fun blunder or a potentially fatal mistake.
This seems to be the latter case.
Sometimes, you just need to break up with the same person multiple times.
Take a hint, random internet person.
43. The Poem
Composing a poem to answer a breakup may seem extreme, however, we like the touch of originality behind it.
In all cases, props to this person for making it rhyme so well.
44. Wrong Number
There is nothing wrong with running your breakup script by a few people to make it as good as possible.
It’s still awkward if it’s with random people though. We hope this person’s real breakup went well.
45. Transfer Day
We’re not sure of the age of this person, but judging by the typos, we think (and hope) they’re still young.
The text seems sincere though, and that counts for something.
46. Cheating In The Park
This is a text sent by an 11-year-old to her boyfriend, asking him why he went out with another classmate to the park.
Generation Z is beating us all in the relationship and tech game, y’all.
47. “You’re Rude To My Cat”
There is so much to unfold with this one. From the seemingly problematic behavior with the cat to the past sexual partners’ count limit, this person seems like a lot to handle.
We wish we had the recipient’s answer though, we’re quite curious what their answer was.
48. Mormon Boy
This person wanted to resist temptation but ended up with quite a smart-arse.
This is not a savage text—it’s in fact quite endearing—however, the randomness of the exchange was hilarious and took us by surprise.
49. Nostalgia Of Being 14
A wise person once said: “Some people grow out from babies to adults, and some others grow up from babies to even bigger babies.”
We’re suspecting that it may be the case here too.
50. Poltergeist Love
Wow-wow-wow, slow down a bit. You lost us at “impotency.” And even then, everything still made sense, right until you hit Elisa with that “exorcism” claim. We hope Elisa was able to get clearer instructions out of this person.
What do you think of these funny breakup texts? Which is your favorite? Let us know in the comments, and if you liked these funny breakup texts, make sure to check this Tinder fails that will make you happy you didn’t swipe right!