The online review site Yelp has fast become one of the Internet’s most popular and useful tools. Offering reviews and ratings for restaurants, bars, stores and the like in cities across the globe, Yelp allows a customer to know what exactly to expect from any given establishment.
Recently though, users have been Yelping some less-than-conventional places, one of which happens to be prisons. That’s right; inmates have been using Yelp to rate the food, amenities and even the quality of the toilet wine (maybe?) at their respective penitentiaries. And oddly enough, that isn’t the only strange thing you can find on Yelp these days.
5 The Moon
Sure, the moon is up there every night, but what do people really think of it? Aren’t you tired of having no idea how the population at large feels about the fifth largest satellite of a planet in the entire Solar System? And what about all of its different phases? Are people more satisfied with a sharp-edged crescent, or is a bright, full moon still the runaway favorite? Hell, perhaps even a harvest moon is moving up the ranks of recognition. These are things we need to know, and Yelp is making sure that we do.
4 Traffic Lights
You know when you’re driving home, seemingly making great time, and suddenly you realize that you’ve been sitting at the same traffic light for 7 minutes? Why should your swearing and frustrations be kept inside your vehicle? Why isn’t their somewhere that you can voice those frustrations, thus shaming whoever in the local department of transportation is responsible for creating that intersection into a deep depression that makes them question whether they’re even competent enough to do the job they already hate? Well, thanks to Yelp, now that’s possible.
Look, a well-informed consumer is a happy consumer. And that can be true of more than just knowing how much shame you’ll experience eating at your local McDonald’s. In addition to reviewing eateries and concert venues, Yelp users have now taken to rating actual experiences, one of which is marriage. After all, if you’re about to devote your heart and soul to someone for the rest of your life, it can’t hurt to hop on ol’ Yelp and see just how many bitter, 1-star reviews this whole matrimony racket has spawned.
2 Sex Clubs
Whether you’re looking for info on your local strip club, male review, burlesque show or perhaps something a bit more “interactive,” it’s nice to know that Yelp is there to help. After all, if your best friend is in town, not only would you like to bring him to an establishment that employs attractive dancers, but it’d be nice if they offered a decent lunch buffet, too. And ladies, before you waste your entire bachelorette party, you should know in advance if the show at Studs Theater features anyone old enough to be your father.
1 Sperm Banks
It’s not exactly the same as finding out which local happy hour offers the most delicious margarita, but still, knowing the quality of the place where you plan to extract, deposit and store your DNA is a useful option for men to have. And for the ladies who plan to use that DNA to possibly make a child, it’s nice to know that Yelp is there to give you the heads up on their screening process. After all, you’ll want to know if that guy who hangs out on the off-ramp in a hat that appears to be made of pigeon feathers is donating twice monthly.