This may come as a shock, but Ashton Kutcher’s biopic about Apple co-founder Steve Jobs didn’t do so well in its opening weekend. Yes, as hard as it is to believe, the movie where Michael Kelso plays an innovative genius just didn’t catch on with audiences, as “Jobs” made only $6.7 million nationally.
From the beginning, the choice of Kutcher as Steve Jobs was definitely a curious one, and it equated to what most thought it would; a movie that neither critics or fans could get behind, and that’s currently hovering around the 25% mark on Rotten Tomatoes. And while it’s still too early to say, it’s looking like “Jobs” may soon be mentioned among the most miscast biopics ever made.
5 50 Cent as Himself
When you are universally panned for a role in which you are literally playing yourself, that might be a sign that acting isn’t necessarily your forte. Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson made the leap from rap to film in 2005 when he starred as Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson in “Get Rich or Die Tryin’”, and let’s just say that if his fortune depended solely on this movie, he’d have died a horrible death tryin’.
4 Robert Pattinson as Salvador Dali
This was horrendous, and no, it wasn’t just because of how impossibly silly Edward Cullen looked in his Salvador Dali mustache. Well, it was partly that, but mostly it was because what was meant to be a provocative look at the relationship between Dali and Federico Garcia Lorca turned into a weird, soap opera-like film full of really good looking, oh-so tortured characters. Come to think of it, it was kind of like “Twilight,” just with more mustaches.
3 Colin Farrell as Alexander the Great
If you need some insight into just how bad this movie was, just take a look at Colin Farrell’s wig and know that if that wig were a movie, it would be “Alexander.” In fact, his turn as the feathery-haired warrior king was so laughable that it nearly convinced Colin Farrell to quit the movie business altogether. It’s not all on Farrell though, as not even the remainder of the stellar cast that included Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Plummer, Val Kilmer and Rosario Dawson could do a thing to save Oliver Stone’s three-hour crap-fest.
2 Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor
No one expects a whole lot from made-for-cable movies, but this one reached such a special level of awful that it made those Hallmark holiday movies look like Oscar-worthy epics. The special thing here was the perfect timing with which it all came together, because not only should Lindsay Lohan not have been playing Elizabeth Taylor, but at the time the film was shot, Lindsay Lohan should not have been allowed amongst functioning members of society. What resulted was a drama about Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton that could go toe-to-toe with most any comedy for laugh out loud moments.
1 John Wayne as Genghis Khan
It’s not even close—when it comes to the very worst cast biopic ever made, “The Conqueror” will always win the day. It’s not hard to see why either, considering John Wayne, America’s favorite cowboy, was tapped to play Genghis freaking Khan. This means that when producers came together to make a picture about the ruthless ruler of the Mongol Empire, they all agreed that best the man to take the lead was a big ol’ white feller from Iowa. Then again, that was back in the good old days of Hollywood, you know, when everyone was overtly and unapologetically racist.