5 National Men’s Grooming Day
In much the same way as one can claim that Mother’s Day or even Valentine’s Day are essentially nothing more than constructs of the gift and greeting card industry (they have a powerful lobby, we assume), this “holiday” smacks of corporate sponsorship. But on the flip side of the coin, what’s wrong with a well-groomed man? So listen up, men: the next time the third Friday in August draws near (8/16/13, FYI), grab your razor and a bottle of cologne, and maybe some toner and a scrub of some sort, and a great moisturizer! And… soap! And so on.
4 Something on a Stick Day
This holiday isn’t so much weird as it is staggeringly brilliant. We all know that things are better when you put them on a stick, right? This is true with everything from corndogs to frozen treats. Why in god’s name would you waste your time using utensils when you could just eat off a stick? The real question here is not why someone designated a day for this culinary innovation, but rather why every day is not Something on a Stick Day.
3 National Felt Hat Day
We know hats are making a comeback among the hipster set, and overall we condone this return to the days of hat wearing. But we are less interested in beanies and berets and such than we are in manly fedoras. Thus, we support September 15th, National Felt Hat Day! Tap your inner Humphrey Bogart and just look great with a stylish felt hat perched above your long trench coat and unfiltered Lucky Strike cigarette! Also, it should be raining. Also, make sure the year is 1948.
2 National Sandwich Day
This is yet another day we are advocating to make a 365-day-a-year celebration. A day without sandwiches is like a day without sunshine, dammit! On November 3rd, grab your loaves of rye, wheat, white or whathaveyou, fetch the finest spreads, load up on cold-cuts and veggies and then enjoy a beautiful sandwich or ten. That’s all there is to celebrating National Sandwich Day, a day on which to, um… enjoy sandwiches.
1 Talk Like a Pirate Day
Gloriously, this holiday has actually been catching on in recent years. Every September 19th is a wonderful day indeed, or at least it would be if more people observed Talk Like a Pirate Day. Picture it, a whole day of “Arrrrrrr you going to finish that doughnut?” “Avast! By which I mean a vast gulf has opened between us emotionally. Aye think we should see other mates!” On second thought…