We start, where these lists so often do, with a classic. The venerable Firecracker. You know this popsicle, even if you think you don’t: it is the quintessential American pop, and not just because it is red, white, and blue. Actually, wait… yes, it is mostly because of that. The Firecracker is also sometimes called the Bomb Pop, which makes us wonder why such a patriotic pop is both so delicious and so – violent. Three flavors await you: strawberry, lemon, and blue raspberry! And a great popsicle to develop a taste for, as you can find ‘em all over the nation.
4 Dreyer’s Fruit Bars antioxidant All Natural!
The number 4 spot goes to a little popsicle we like to call “Dreyer’s Fruit Bars antioxidant All Natural!” So that’s what it says on the box and maybe that ain’t the most attractive pitch ever ascribed to a frozen desert, but man, once you try these things, you’ll forget all about the fact that their name sounds more like a vitamin shot than a sweet. These popsicles have the rare distinction of actually tasting like what they say they are. The white grape flavored popsicle, for example? It is actually flavored with and tastes like real grapes. What a concept! Sweet but not cloying, these Fruit Bars are an all-around delight, save the fact that they are rather small. Oh well, just have two! Or ten.
3 Jolly Rancher flavored Popsicle-Brand pops
The number three spot goes to Jolly Rancher flavored Popsicle-Brand pops (the ones with the 4 layers, not the 2 layers, FYI!). Much like the frozen treats discussed above, these popsicles are great largely because they taste the way they say they will; in this case, rather than fruit, that taste is Jolly Rancher candies. Hell yeah. And four layers of different flavors? Double hell yeah. I’m talking green (which I guess is apple?), purple (maybe grape?), red (cherry or strawberry or something) and blue (which I’m going to go out on a limb and guess is blue raspberry)! I have no idea what the flavors of this multifaceted popsicle are supposed to be, but I know this: they are delicious. A four part band playing a delicious harmony, if you will. And if you won’t, no offense taken, just move along.
Fudgsicles, baby. You can get variations that are only a hundred calories and that have no added sugar (I’m betting there is still a fair amount of sugar in there, of course) that are, in the scheme of things, not so unhealthy. Now, I tend to eat them three or four at a time, so that kind of ruins that, but who can blame me? There is a rich, creamy, semi-sweet perfection to these things that rekindles my passion for them at every sicle. Also, try blending 2 parts Fudgsicle with 1 part banana and maybe little splash of milk for a healthy and, above all, really easy milkshake. Tell your friends, kids.
The top honors today go to Fla-Vor-Ice! The taste of summer! Simple, sweet, and cheaper than dirt! And that’s really why they won, frankly. For the cost of a box of Dreyer’s Fruit Bars antioxidant All Natural you could get like, 20, 30 Fla-Vor-Ice pops. Never mind that the name sounds like something you would comically ascribe to a bad translation (“flavor Ice” spelled with strange spacing is still just the words “flavor ice,” after all) and also yes, we know there are different companies selling essentially the same thing, such as the Otter Pop (no idea who names that one), but just take a second to think about how awesome it is when someone busts out a sheet of these babies and a pair of scissors on a hot summer day. For the delicious:price ratio, you can’t beat these simple classics, so they reign supreme for the day.
Now that you have learned all you could need to know about popsicles, off you go, intrepid explorer of the frozen sweet, to try these wonderful concoctions!