Respect my authoritah, because I’ve compiled an undeniably awesome list of South Park episodes — The Top 5 Most Offensive! Of course, I carefully weighed all the options. And there were a lot of choices, m’kay? But you have to keep in mind, that I do what I want. So don’t piss and moan too much if your personal favorite isn’t on here. Just relax and be sure to eat plenty of fiber. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and (if you’re a Scientologist) you’ll probably try to sue me. But if you disagree, you can suck on my chocolate salty balls!
5 “Up the Down Steroid,” Season 8, Episode 3
Finally! A revealing tell-all exposing the seamy underbelly of the Special Olympics! Pushed too far, Jimmy flies into roid rage and begins to beat his girlfriend with his crutches. And then his mother. If domestic violence weren’t enough offense, there’s the montage in which Cartman transforms himself into a helmet-wearing special athlete. Bonus controversy: The Farrelly Brothers wrote the script for the Ringer a year or two before this episode aired, and claimed that Cartman’s subplot ripped them off. The South Park guys only claimed that the Ringer sucked. Best moment: When Jimmy explains how steroids made him a loser, while the camera pans past some of Major League Baseball’s biggest stars. This episode dumps on everyone!Watch the Full Episode >>
4 “Tonsil Trouble,” Season 12, Episode 1
We’ve all been there: you infect your friend with HIV and the only place left for you to turn is toward Magic Johnson. I mean, when a Jimmy Buffet song won’t help — the aptly titled “AIDS Burger in Paradise” — you’re ready to try anything. What’s truly courageous in the episode is Cartman’s level of conviction, reminding us that he’s not just sure, he’s HIV positive. Best moment: Someone drives a Jeep up to an immobile group of AIDS victims in an impoverished African village, and excitedly tells them the cure is hundreds of thousands of dollars.Watch the Full Episode >>
3 “The Death Camp of Tolerance,” Season 6, Episode 14
Everyone’s dreamed of getting fired for having sex on the job. On the other hand, we probably don’t all have sex like Mr. Garrison and Mr. Slave. And we probably don’t all teach the fourth grade. While the tenacious adventures of a brave gerbil named Lemmiwinks might not offend you, it should speak to the downtrodden part of your soul that wants to “crawl outside of the gay man’s ass.” Bonus points for comparing tolerance to the Holocaust. Best moment: When Mr. Garrison yells at everyone for accepting his flamboyantly inappropriate behavior, and Principal Victoria sends him to tolerance camp for not tolerating himself.Watch the Full Episode >>
2 “With Apologies to Jessie Jackson,” Season 11, Episode 1
OK, be honest: Randy was on Wheel of Fortune trying to solve the puzzle “N_GGERS” with the clue “people who annoy you.” And then he blurted out what we were all thinking. And then Vanna White sheepishly walked over and turned over an “A,” and you smacked yourself in the forehead. This episode offends, well, everyone who isn’t comfortable with that word — which includes all of America except Mississippi. Best moment: At the end of the episode, Randy and Michael Richards convince Congress to make it illegal to use the word “guy” within five words of the N-word. Then, the camera pans to a group of black men looking on incredulously.Watch the Full Episode >>
1 “Trapped in the Closet,” Season 9, Episode 12
“This is what Scientologists actually believe.” And then you laughed yourself stupid. More than that, the episode criticizes two of the most famous Scientologists, Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Oh, and the rumors about them being trapped in the closet and their refusal to come out. (Do I have to draw you a diagram?) If for no other reason, this episode needs to be on the list because it inspired Isaac Hayes — also a devout Scientologist — to leave the show, which then led to the Super Adventure Club episode. Best moment: Every time R. Kelly pulls out his gun.Watch the Full Episode >>
Did this list offend your fragile sensibilities? Do you feel left out, because South Park hasn’t offended you personally? Well, here are a few more choice selections of really offensive smut for you delicate little dumplings to enjoy. And if you’re anything like me, you eat it up by the shovel full. Disagree if you dare below, and we’ll see if you’ve got the gigantic, bouncing balls to back it up.