Top 5 Best Quotes from “The Simpsons”

Ah, Bart Simpson, the rascally little deviant full of brilliant schemes and funny commentary. Thanks to Bart, lines like “Don’t have a cow, man,” Get bent” and “Eat my shorts” moved from “The Simpsons” into our mainstream vocabulary, but they aren’t the best lines offered by the iconic animated series. Choosing the top five quotes in this long-running show is about as easy as teaching your cat origami.

5 Mmm…Doughnuts.

Homer’s love affair with food is legendary, but doughnuts are often his kryptonite. Sure, he says “D’oh!” every five minutes, but his donut commentary is even better. For example, in season 4, episode 12, Homer asks, “Doughnuts. Is there anything they can’t do?” When you read that line, you automatically think of “Mmm…doughnuts.” Most people who call themselves Simpsons fans think of Homer’s voice and this line when they lay eyes on their favorite foods. If you don’t, you’re not normal.

4 Books Are Useless!

The writers of “The Simpsons” never back down from mocking pretty much everything, but most of the time they do it while providing their viewers with a valuable lesson or insight. Homer’s classic line about the uselessness of books in episode 10 of season 15 is a good example. When he rants, “Books are useless! I only ever read one book, ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does that do me?” Homer’s line is actually highlighting how many folks miss the entire point of literary classics.

3 Oooh, So Mother Nature Needs a Favor?

Mr. Burns is possibly the best villain in the history of villains. He hates pretty much everyone, and that’s what makes him awesome. Season 8, episode 21 has Mr. Burns going up against do-gooder Lisa Simpson. His response to concerns over the decline of the environment is a classic Burns moment, “Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she’s losing.”

2 You Don’t Win Friends With Salad!

When Lisa swears off meat in episode 5 of season 7, Homer lectures her on the importance of eating meat. “All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say, ‘Yo, Goober! Where’s the meat?’ I’m trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don’t win friends with salad.” The scene continues with Homer and Bart chanting “You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad!” It’s funny because it’s true.

1 To Alcohol!

Homer Simpson has offered a bazillion funny lines, and his dialogue is responsible for a good portion of the laughs. One of his best quotes has to be in season 8, episode 18, when he sums up why bars will always have customers, and why alcohol will never go out of fashion: “To alcohol! The cause of—and the solution to—all of life’s problems.”

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