5 Eifel 65: “Blue (Da Ba Dee)”
From the 1999 album “Europop,” Eifel 65’s hit “Blue” came just one year before Coldplay released the second-most annoying color-related song ever written, “Yellow.” The blue video features bad CGI aliens going to and from a concert in a bad CGI spaceship. The video is complete with subtitles, which is fortunate because without them, the viewer couldn’t determine what they’re saying. But the subtitles are also unnecessary because nothing is being said at all.
4 Hanson: “MMMBop”
If you’re going to listen to popular music, eventually you’re going to be bombarded with cute little boys with floppy hair. Fine. But Hanson was no Monkees. With a child on guitar, a child on keyboards and a zygote on drums, Hanson was a thankfully short-lived fraternal band whose hit video “MMMBop” epitomized ’90s artistic decline. They’re in a house looking cute. They’re in a cab looking cute. They’re at a bus stop looking cute. Wait. The moon? Why are they on the moon?
3 Joey Lawrence: “Nothing My Love Can’t Fix”
What can you do to wipe my tears away, Joey? Not wipe away an invisible tear when you sing that line, for starters. OK, the rollerskating girl is fine, but watching a “Blossom” sidekick stumble and stagger across the fine line between dreamboat and tough guy is too much to handle, even for a decade that tolerated the Spin Doctors. The cut-off gloves. The white muscle tank top. The flannel tied around the waist. Whoa!
2 Right Said Fred: “I’m Too Sexy”
Is this real and did it happen on purpose? America simultaneously asked those two still-unanswered questions when Right Said Fred set the video bar to a new low when “I’m Too Sexy” debuted in 1991. Imagine if the fictional Eurotrash band Autobahn from “The Big Lebowski” was real and had a video. Now imagine it even worse. It can only be surmised that “I’m Too Sexy” was a shot at the fashion industry, which ordinarily would be fine. But the real shot was the one that the viewer felt like they took in the stomach while trying to endure the video.
1 Eddie Murphy/Michael Jackson: “Whatzupwitu”
It’s sad to have to put the King of Pop—the most successful entertainer in history—on this list. It’s also a shame that the funniest thing ever done by one of America’s greatest comedians was a “music” video, but Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy earned it. 1993’s “Whatzupwitu” looks and sounds exactly as it’s spelled: wrong. Eddie and Michael dancing in the sky on a green-screen background that looks like it was made with video stock from an Apple IIE computer is so bad that the so-bad-it’s-good category declined to invite them in.