The 5 Dumbest Criminals of All Time

You could argue most criminals are lacking in sense—if they were more intelligent, after all, they wouldn’t get caught. Every police department has stories of car thieves thwarted by their own inability to drive a stick shift, clumsy crooks who drop their cell phones at the scene of the crime or drug dealers advertising their wares on social networking websites. As the saying goes, “Stupid is as stupid does,” and these five take stupidity to all new levels.

5 You’ve Got to Be Joking

If you were looking for a place to hold up at gunpoint, a police station probably wouldn’t be your first choice, right? That would be so stupid, it would have to be a joke. Especially if you didn’t even actually have a gun—you just covered your hand with a towel so that it looked like you had a gun, maybe, if the person you were pointing at was extremely near-sighted and hadn’t worn her glasses that day. But an 18-year-old in Dallas did exactly that. Of course he was immediately arrested, despite his insistence that it was all a joke. “Man, I play like that all the time,” he said from his jail cell.

4 Just Say No

Perhaps the best way to thwart a burglary is to assume the guy’s just joking and laugh at him – because that’s what the clerk did to a Florida man who walked into a pizza shop wearing a ski mask and demanding money. She took one look at him, laughed, and said “no.” Frustrated, the man removed the ski mask and drove off in a huff. He was smart enough to remove the tags from the car though—because, as he told the car’s owner, there’d been a robbery at a pizza shop by a person matching his description, and he didn’t want to be a victim of mistaken identity. And everybody knows that driving without the license plates on your car is a great way to avoid police attention.

3 Designated Driver

You shouldn’t drive drunk. If you’ve been drinking and you need to go somewhere, you should have someone sober drive you there—even if the only sober person around you happens to be 10 years old. At least that’s what Randy Lewis thought. He was arrested with a blood-alcohol level nearly three times the legal limit when his 10-year-old son crashed their car while driving at over 90 miles per hour. Other narcotics were found in the car along with two other kids. Randy Sr. probably won’t be up for father of the year anytime soon.

2 Do the Right Thing?

A North Carolina man called 911 after being robbed. Well, not exactly robbed—he gave a drug dealer $80 for marijuana and cocaine, and the guy pocketed the money, telling him he had to go get the drugs, but he’d be right back. Of course, he was never seen again, prompting the call—911 is for emergencies, right? The man, who identified himself only as “Dave,” told the operator he just wanted the guy to “do the right thing.” Who knows what Dave was expecting the operator to do—have the cops come force the guy to give him his drugs? It’s probably a safe bet Dave didn’t get high that night.

1 Are You Hiring?

What to do when you want to rob a convenience store but there are too many customers milling about? You certainly don’t need potential witnesses, especially when the only weapon you’ve brought along is a steak knife. If you’re Demetrius Robinson in Athens, Georgia, you would pass the time by filling out a job application, complete with your real name and your uncle’s phone number. Needless to say, it didn’t take long to apprehend the suspect, despite the fact he’d provided a fake address on the application.

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