Image credit: Flickr by Joris_Louwes
I don’t need to explain to you that guys are different than girls. What you think is funny makes her mad… right? Almost always. Sarcasm doesn’t come through in text and your knowing smile doesn’t match the emoticon. Think before you text.
5 “No Mom, I agree, she’s not marriage material.”
This is less about the content and more about blunder. Never, ever, ever mis-text your girlfriend. She wants to believe at all times that she is the only person you ever text. If you do happen to mis-text her it will most likely result in punishment ranging from cold shoulder to complete break-up depending on the intended receiver and content. Unless it contains 2 of the following words: roses, diamonds, surprise, vacation, love, devotion, or chocolate-covered strawberries, don’t expect any nookie for a while.
4 😉 😉 ;)What are you an 8 year old girl?
And winking three times does not make the unacceptable picture you sent from #2 any more appropriate. Furthermore, if you over use emoticons we have no choice but to question your masculinity. I’m not being judgmental, I’m just trying to relay advice.
3 Any Expletive followed by nothing
This is quite possibly the most annoying thing you can do to the one person who cares about you the most. We think the worst, car accident, broken bones, bleeding death… and you follow it up with radio silence? When it turns out that you are just stuck in really bad traffic we want to slap you. How dare you get the emotions of a woman going for no reason, we can do that on our own. And you wonder why we jump to conclusions. You give us too much time, that’s the only thing left to do!
2 3===> or [a photo of your junk]
No we don’t want to see this. If you want to show us something growing take a picture of a flower. I know, a picture is worth a thousand words, but you will not want to know the words I’m thinking if you send this to me while I am in the middle of the supermarket. This doesn’t convey love or desire, it tells us that you’re horny and we already could guess that. Not to mention, out of the heat of the bedroom this isn’t going to get us hot. No one loves talking to their boss then looking down their phone and seeing a penis. If we are sexting, maybe.Random dick pics, no.
1 “Babe, How far away are you from the police station?”
Don’t beat around the bush. If you got arrested, fess up. Be a man. This is one of those times where you will want to actually pick up the phone and give the girl a call, even if you only have one shot at it. She’ll bail you out, hell, she might even bail your friend out. On the flip side, if you are not actually behind bars, don’t joke about this. I can’t stress this enough, it is never a funny joke.
Alright guys, you’ve been warned. If you don’t believe me you can test a couple out on your lady and see what she says. But if I were you, I wouldn’t get too curious.