5 Binge and Purge
Fear not, my friends! As this meme suggests, there is a comeuppance for the error of the Drunk Girl’s ways. Seems like she flirted with a few too many guys at that bar or party; she made too many toasts during that Kanye song; she chanted “shots-shots-shots-shots-shots!” one too many times. Although you’ll never recover all that Captain Morgan and Smirnoff, you can officially cut your losses with the Drunk Girl, convinced she’s just using you. Now you’re free to find a girl who can handle her liquor.
4 Oblivious Hypocrisy
Again, this is a tactic that’s way too smart/manipulative for a dude to ever think of. It’s called misdirection and it’s one of the Drunk Girl’s calling cards. If she switches the focus to you, then you won’t notice the bottle of vodka in her purse. Her brilliance is in her simplicity. Or sociopathy. Yeah, let’s go with sociopathy.
3 What Did I Miss?
Aww, and she came so close! Yep, Drunk Girl can’t even get drinking holidays right. (So don’t expect anything grandiose for your birthday, pal.) As per usual, she probably started out having fun, but then had twice as much fun as she meant to. We’re not going to shame someone for having to wash fun out of her own bed sheets the next morning, but we will shame her for ruining yours.
2 Wild-Goose Chase
Hold on—why is she driving in the first place? Knowing Drunk Girl, she’s been pre-gaming since before you even met up with her. So, she might have some crazy driving habits normally, but you want to go party with her. Natch. But don’t leave without an address, stupid, because you will not arrive at the destination. Instead, you’ll be crying into some Jack in the Box tacos. Whether she ditched you purposely or unintentionally, it’s hard to run off those late night foodie calls.
1 Feigned Excitement
Now, let’s think here: Why would she seek you out in bar environments and avoid you like the black death everywhere else you go? Might it have something to do with the ever-rising price of alcohol? Yes. She is abusing your attraction to get free drinks. She’ll probably thank you “so much” for the drink just as some of her friends come in. She says she’ll meet up with you later. Our experience says otherwise. Just say goodbye to that eight dollars and enjoy the rest of your evening.