Killing Me Softly: the Worst Movies of 2012

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A lot of great things happened in 2012. Obama was reelected, Sarah Palin went away, and the Arrested Development movie kicked into gear. Some not-so-great things happened too, cinematically speaking. There are hundreds of thousands of lame movies made each year – most of which never see the light of day. Some get a little play at film festivals and then disappear, only to be shown on TV stations in Thailand or Laos.
There’s no accounting for taste, and the big bad Hollywood machine loves to crank out big, dumb movies for the masses so every year. For every amazing, Oscar worthy film we get there are about a thousand stinkers. Let’s see what 2012 brought us in the way of Bad Movies.

5 Battleship

Yet another bloated Hollywood disaster. First of all, for some reason there’s a trend to turn kids’ games and toys into movies, maybe because of The Transformers. But Battleship the board game as a film? Did anyone in their right mind enjoy this? Bad writing, lame acting, and a concept that was not intriguing enough to lure in the masses. Hopefully Hollywood would take note and put a stop to the ViewFinder movie that’s in the works.

4 Wrath of the Titans

The first Clash of the Titans remake was horrible enough, so it’s not clear who thought it would be a swell idea to pour money into a sequel. The Ray Harryhausen original is a camp classic, but these films don’t even come close. Sure the special effects are impressive, but the lesson here is: no one cares about a lame Clash of the Titans sequel. We’ll stick with the original, thanks very much.

3 John Carter

What a fouled opportunity! Based on John Carter of Mars, this movie had been in the works for years. They got Taylor Kitsch straight off his Friday Night Lights run, a huge budget, and what could have been a fun action adventure story. Instead it felt like Jar Jar Binks meets Tim Riggins. The marketing was horrible and no one really understood what kind of movie they would be getting. Let’s hope Taylor Kitsch gets some better roles in the years ahead. He’s better than this.

2 The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey 3D

This eagerly anticipated Peter Jackson trilogy came out during the holidays and even though it is making tons of money, it’s a truly awful, terrible looking piece of slop. The experimental new 3D technology they used is distracting and it looks like you’re watching a PBS Masterpiece Theater show on hallucinogens – this is not a good thing. The opening act is dull and corny, and instead of the darkness and integrity we got with the Lord of the Rings, we get a Disney snooze fest in the Hobbit.

1 Killing Them Softly

Critics gushed about this crime flick with Brad Pitt, James Gandolfini, and Ray Liotta. The director Andrew Dominik made the existential Western The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, which was a beautiful flick but required some patience. This movie, though, is a pretentious, poorly written wreck that might just be the worse Brad Pitt movie ever made. The political “message” is distracting and obvious, and the film’s opening is truly atrocious. The main robbery scene is impressive and the performances are solid, but as a crime film? It’s a mess.

Closing Words
So what are your thoughts? Are you angry because you thought Killing Them Softly was a masterpiece? Let us know!

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