30+ Times People Got The Best Revenge On Their Enemies

Please Hold

I’m a temp worker, and often, part of my job is manning the phones and preventing time-wasting calls from getting through to my boss. They try pretty hard to get through, and I often hear, ‘Hey, it’s Mark—can I just have a quick word with Tony? He’s expecting my call.’

Funnily, most people call the boss Anthony, and he’s very specific about not being bothered in meetings. This or some other telltale thing shows that the caller is lying. Not only do they not care about disturbing my very busy manager, but they’re trying to pull a fast one on me.

So I get them every time. I tend to say, ‘Are you happy to hold?’ then check back five minutes later with, ‘I’m sorry, Tony is still all tied up. Are you happy to continue to hold?’ My record is half an hour.

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She Learned Her Lesson

I went to get my exhaust fixed after I damaged it when I ran into a pothole. A couple of hours later, when I went to pick up the car, I was treated to a woman screaming at the guy behind the counter.

She’s positively foaming because she has been waiting nearly 30 minutes for her car to be fixed. She even goes so far as to call the guy an ‘INSIGNIFICANT LAZY IMMIGRANT.’ The guy looked at her and then at me.

He threw me my keys and said, ‘Here you go, your Magnum’s ready—no charge.’ He then looked her directly in the eyes and said, ‘Looks like it’s going to be more expensive than we originally thought. Would you like us to call you a cab?’ I returned shortly afterward with pizza for the shop.

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Ruining Their Clothing

I used to live on the third floor of an apartment that had its laundry in the basement. So we have cubbies in the laundry room for our soap and stuff. Apparently, some new people had moved in and were using my soap.

When I realized it, I left a note asking them to stop. They kept using it. So I got two bottles of soap. A blue-colored one and a clear-colored one. I marked the bottles CLEARLY that they belonged to me…and filled the blue soap with blue Rit dye. I then filled the clear soap with unscented bleach.

And waited… It didn’t take long. The next morning, I heard screaming coming from the laundry room. In the laundry room, I found a bunch of wet, bleach-stained clothes in the garbage. Four days later, I saw a young man get into a car with a blue-stained T-shirt.

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Priority Boarding

I am a 5’4′ male who looks less muscular than I am. I was in line for priority boarding, and it had just started when the woman behind me spoke.

‘Excuse me, this is for priority boarding. You need to wait with everyone else,’ she said. I ignored her and presented my boarding pass with my active duty ID.

My only revenge was when the attendant said, ‘Thank you for your service.’ I turned to the woman behind me, grinned, and said, ‘Thanks! ‘ before boarding.

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Eating My Food

My old college roommate didn’t know how to cook or do dishes and didn’t go food shopping much. This led to him eating my food, especially my leftovers, which were prepared meals.

The behavior did not stop, and he actually seemed to be eating more of my food out of spite. To punish him, I baked a chocolate cake with habanero peppers and mixed the frosting with wasabi. I labeled it with my name and a bold ‘Do Not Eat’ and waited.

About two days later, he and a couple of his friends…decided to dig into my food. Somehow, they ate about a third of it before realizing it, and when they inevitably went to throw up…the cake hit them a second time. He stopped eating my cooking after that.

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Chinese Buffet

Just the other day, I was at a Chinese buffet, and the three people in the booth next to me were questioning the waitress about voting. She had trouble understanding them and communicating that she could not vote.

They then immediately began taunting. After the waitress walked off, one of the girls at the table looked up and asked me where I worked because I looked familiar.

When I replied that I worked at the local university in the social work department, she commented that she had recently been in my office to apply to our program. So I replied, ‘Yes, I remember you, and I’m also on the admissions committee.’ The color drained from her face, and she knew she was screwed.

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Facing Her Rage

My manager, Karen, had a notorious reputation for clashing with male colleagues and axing them one by one. Then came my turn. Facing her rage, I spoke up: ‘I’ve got six weeks left before retirement, show some respect.’

In response, she coldly stated, ‘Fine, you’re fired!’ Shocked, I insisted on a reason. But she retorted, ‘I don’t owe you anything, old man!’. With a smirk, I simply said, ‘Check the contract.’ I knew there was a clause that required probable cause for a layoff.

She couldn’t find one, but she still insisted I was fired, so the next day, I showed up with my lawyer. ‘If you want to play like that, Karen, I have no issues with that. Meet Mr. Dunphy. He’s going to help me sue the whole company.’

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Vintage Fashion

A snobby coworker picked on me for being ‘outdated’ with my sense of style and love for vintage fashion. She’d make snarky comments every chance she got. One day, I decided it was enough. I took the high road and politely asked her to join me for lunch.

As we sat at the fancy restaurant, she smirked, thinking she had won. But when the waiter brought out our meals, I noticed someone talking to their friend and pointing at me. I smiled at them and waved them over. They gushed over my outfit, saying they knew my social media accounts and loved to get inspiration from me.

That happened about three more times, and finally, my coworker was in shock. When she looked up my Instagram, her mouth dropped open at my millions of followers, and suddenly, she had nothing else to say.

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A Lousy Gift

This was about 23 years ago. My husband was lousy at giving gifts. He would get what he wanted for himself. That year, I came home to a large box wrapped up about ten days before Christmas, and he said it was for me. He was so excited. Mind you, we have always been pretty broke, so we (or should I say I) always bought for our children and his greedy family (MIL demands).

For some reason, I wasn’t that excited about this gift. Intuition. Well, Christmas Eve comes, and we open gifts. He gets all excited, telling me that I am going to love this present. I open the box to find…. A ShopVac. He told me that it is wonderful because it cleans up the garage and his domain.

I was pissed!!!!! I had to wait for a year…kept quiet, and told nobody of my plan for revenge. Christmas Eve…I put the present under the tree. Finally, his eyes light up seeing this big box…He opens the box to find a case of toilet paper. I then quoted him. Christmas was not for what we wanted but for what we as a family needed or could use. He was furious.

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A Call

I recently bought a house and have been having some work done before I move in. It was empty on the market for about 6 or 8 months before I bought it. One morning, my contractor called asking me about moving the cars in the driveway, and of course, I had no idea what he was talking about. I hadn’t moved in yet.

I left my job site and drove nearly a half hour to get there. As soon as I arrived, the people on the east side of me were walking toward the cars. I asked if they were their cars, and they said they told me that they had been living next door for two decades and had been using the free parking next door after their neighbors moved out.

I told them that I’d now bought the place, so they’d have to park somewhere else so as not to disturb the contractors. They flat-out refused and said that until I officially moved in, they would continue parking there. One contractor couldn’t help but overhear the whole conversation and offered to ‘accidentally’ slash a tire or two if they parked there again. Two flat tires later, the neighbors found somewhere else to park.

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There Was A Catch

So, get this. A couple of months ago, we finally scored our dream house. But here’s the catch: the sellers tried to pull a sneaky move on us. They insisted we cough up an extra $187 for these ridiculous fees that they should’ve covered.

I mean, seriously? We weren’t about to let that ruin our home-buying excitement, though. We started renovating the place, tearing down walls, and getting rid of all the junk left behind. And there it was, this table/credenza thing built into the entryway.

Useless to us, really, so we decided to get it valued before we sold it. You can imagine our surprise when we were told this table was worth at least $10,000! The seller told us they didn’t want anything to do with the house once we’d bought it, so we happily paid the silly extra fees, sold the table, and laughed all the way to the bank.

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Ex-Wife

My ex-wife and I were finalizing our divorce. As we sat in the lawyer’s office, tensions rose. Me: So, we agree on the division of assets? Her: Yes, and I’m taking everything. Me: You can’t do that, it’s not fair!

Her: Well, if you want to fight, go ahead. But remember, I have evidence of your secret bank account. I looked at her smugly. Me: Oh, really? Well, I just so happen to have evidence of you cheating on me with three different men, which not only is horrible but is also in breach of our divorce contract.

Since you cheated, you get nothing. You should have seen the look on her face once she’d been found out.

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Shopping Carts

I work at a grocery store wrangling shopping carts, and you won’t believe how selfish people are when it comes to shopping carts.

If I ever saw someone put a cart in front of their car, instead of walking the 15 feet to put it away, I would grab my line of carts and block them in.

I would proceed to take the longest time ever to gather their cart while pretending not to notice them sitting in a running vehicle.

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Insensitive Woman

I was waiting in line to vote and stood next to an Asian man. We engaged in a conversation about the excitement surrounding the election. He struck me as a very well-educated person with interesting insights.

When it was his turn at the registration desk, the woman there rudely asked him if he spoke English before he opened his mouth.

Then she asked if she would be able to understand him if he did. I spoke up and said that he spoke English a whole lot better than she did and wasn’t anywhere near as rude as she was.

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She Was Wrong

Our school’s schedule got revamped, which meant that one of our classes, which was two periods long, was cut in half to accommodate all the changes.

When I brought this up to the teacher I was co-teaching with, she called me an i—- and told everyone sitting in our table group that I wasn’t very good at math. Everyone laughed.

A few minutes later, the principal cleared up the new schedule, only for her to realize that she was wrong in the first place. It felt so good to see the look on her face when she realized she was the i—- and not me.

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She Was Wrong

In senior kindergarten, I had an activity for Mother’s Day: I had to color some pre-printed cards with three tulips. The teacher told us to color them red, yellow, and orange.

Well, six-year-old me colored one tulip purple because I didn’t like orange. My teacher told me I was wrong and told me to redo it because ‘purple tulips don’t exist.’

When I got home, I told my mom. She then cut the purple tulip out of our garden, and I took it to class the next day to prove my teacher wrong.

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They Stole My Spotify

I noticed my Spotify had a PS4 with a German name connected to it, which is odd because I don’t have a PS4.

Spotify was unable to disconnect me from it using my account, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. At midnight Germany time, I blasted heavy metal at full volume on their PS4.

I think they may have been in the game since they let it go for a few seconds, then attempted to go to the next/previous song and pause it a few times, to no avail. Eventually, they uninstalled Spotify, and I changed my password, but darn, that felt good.

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A Dangerous Ride

The other day, my wife and I were coming home from bowling, and we got behind a truck in the left lane next to a Maserati with a total Karen in it. This woman then suddenly jerks her vehicle over without signaling.

She’s in front of the truck, having missed him by a few inches. The whole time, she’s acting like it’s his fault that she swerved and endangered everybody.

The truck retaliated by cutting her off just like she did to him, and then someone else came from behind her and blocked her in the other lane, so she couldn’t pass the truck again. At that point, we got in on it, too. We then found out the truck guy lived in our apartment complex, and high-fives were given all around.

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I Got An Apology

I had a paper returned to me this morning because I didn’t write out all the names of the authors in the manuscript.

I took a screenshot of their submission guidelines, which state that author names must be formatted with the first initial followed by the last name, and sent it back.

I got an apology email, and a ‘submission received’ notification a few minutes later. Academia, I swear to God.

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Rainy Season

Several years ago, I lived on the northwest coast of Puerto Rico. The electric infrastructure was a bit old, so during the rainy season, we’d lose power for a few hours at a time. It’s not a big deal—I had a gasoline generator.

Enter a new neighbor. He lived two doors down from me and drove an amazing custom Chevy van from the 70s. I caught him taking the gas…, which I’d left outside in case the generator ran out. Although I…called him out on it, he denied it and played stupid.

I then went to the nearest gas station that had diesel and filled it up with diesel. A few days later, I was woken up by a tow truck backing up to pick up his now-disabled van. I looked out the window, and you could see the anger on his face.

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Asking Questions

“I was at a gas station putting air in my tire. This gas station required you to pay $1.00…As I was filling my tires, a lady pulled up beside me and started asking questions like how much it was to use, how much time, etc.

I answered her questions as best I could, but I was really more focused on filling my tires since there was a time limit. The lady is still waiting there and is getting visibly annoyed.

This lady yells out, ‘Will you hurry up? I’m in a rush!’ I was confused for a second but quickly realized that she just wanted to use my time without paying. I do what any gentleman would do and proceed to move slower. She almost hits my car, swooping into where my car was. She jumps out, and as she puts the air pump on her tire, it shuts off.

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I Snapped

A woman in her mid-50s cut in front of me and my two-year-old daughter in line at a restaurant.

I was in the middle of getting my daughter a cookie and was in a hurry as I was dealing with a two-year-old.

So I snapped at the woman, ‘How is it that you’re 70 years old and you still don’t know how a line works?’ She was gloriously silent.

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The Perfect Moment

I was working late one night at the office when I overheard my coworker, Mark, talking about how he was going to steal my idea for a groundbreaking project. Anger boiled inside me, but I kept my cool and waited for the perfect moment.

A few days later, during a company meeting, Mark confidently presented my idea as his own. Everyone praised him for his brilliance, but I knew the truth. As Mark finished his presentation,

I calmly raised my hand and asked when he’d come up with such a fantastic idea. Panicking, he insisted he’d come up with the idea over a year ago. However, the technology that I had planned to use for the project had only been invented in the last few months, and we all knew it. The managers saw straight through his lies, and I was named the lead engineer for the project.

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Aging

Let’s start with the fact that my brother’s wife and I do not get along—never have, never will. It’s mutual—both fault and feelings. Also, she is very sensitive about her age. What she failed to realize is that I’m not. Skip to my 30th birthday, and my mom throws a party, including my brother and his family. They have four kids—five, four, and one-year-old twins at the time.

The kids are playing, we’re eating cake, everyone is getting along, and the wife calls over the four years to whisper something in his ear. Immediately, the kid comes to me and (in typical 4-year-old fashion) yells, ‘Auntie, guess what?!’

What, kiddo? ‘Mom says you’re 30 now, and that’s OLD!’ My face lit up. I delightedly answered, ‘Yes, I am! And do you know who’s a whole THREE YEARS older than me?’ wide eyes, shaking his head. ‘Your MOM!’ Everyone except her had a good laugh.’

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An Unexpected Sandwich

“This guy from work named Brad kept eating the food I brought and kept it in the office fridge until one day, I had enough. Me: ‘What are you eating?’ Brad: ‘It’s just something I found in the fridge; it’s none of your business.’ Me: ‘I hope you liked it, but maybe next time, look closer at what you’re eating.’ Brad: ‘What did you do?!’

He started coughing as the taste began to sink in. This time, I decided to teach him a lesson that would keep him from ever touching my food again.

Instead of the tuna fish sandwich, he thought he was eating, I had actually mashed up canned dog food and put it on some slices of bread. When I told him, he rushed to the bathroom as quickly as possible before he threw up all over the break room. Maybe next time, he’ll bring his own food.

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There’s A Line

I was waiting in line at the grocery store, minding my own business, when a woman started shoving her way to the front. Me: Excuse me, there’s a line. Woman: I’m important, move aside! I calmly stepped aside, giving her a smile. Unexpectedly, her eyes narrowed as she glanced down at my groceries, a suspicious look crossing her face. Woman: Wait, those are sanitary products. Why would you need five boxes of those?

I responded to her calmly, ‘I’m a single dad, and my teenage daughter seems to be experiencing her time of the month for the first time. I’m not exactly sure which to buy, so I’m buying a variety. Now, she’s waiting in the store bathroom.’

Her eyes widened as my words sunk in, and she began to apologize profusely, especially as the people behind me started to get more annoyed at her rude behavior. Still, I let her finish paying and then went about my day. There was no need to make her feel any worse than she already did.

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Calling Campus Officers

A few years ago, I was heading to class to take a final in my music history class, and I forgot a scantron. I stopped by the college bookstore, grabbed a scantron, and ran up to the counter.

When I pulled out my card, she pointed to a sign that said $10 minimum…there was a take a penny, leave a penny jar. So I reached over and grabbed a couple of dimes…’Her’ put her hand over the jar and said you can leave change, but you can’t take change.

I proceeded to go to the furthest corners of the store and pick up about $200 worth of small items from the…most inconvenient spots. Welp, as soon as I signed for the items, I told her, ‘I’d like to return everything but the scantron, please.’ She ended up calling campus officers. When the officers arrived, they informed her that what I did was completely OK.

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Left Stranded.

I work for a rental car company, and if you call me up at the end of the day demanding that I deliver you a car—all while cursing at me—you will be left stranded on the side of the road, and I will not lose even a little sleep about it.

However, if I’m moments from closing and you’re nice and polite, I will go out of my way to help you and stay after we close if I have to.

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Undermining

I film and edit promotional videos, then post them on my company’s YouTube channel. The day after I uploaded a particular run-of-the-mill video, my manager called me into his office because one of our directors, who hates our department and loves undermining me in particular, sent an email to my manager and a few higher-ups.

In the email, he stated that I had messed up the promo video because there were ‘all of these other disgusting videos attached to it.’As proof, he included a screenshot of the end of the video, where all of the recommended videos appeared to star scantily-clad Asian women…

Neither he nor my manager knew how YouTube algorithms worked. He didn’t realize that the videos were suggested because he, or someone on his account, had viewed that kind of content before.

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Awful Words

I work in loan collections, and most of my customers are horrifically rude.

Sometimes, during a really bad phone call, a customer will yell at me in a stream of awful words and then just hang up before I get a chance to tell them I’m trying to prevent a repo on their car.

That’s when I call it a day and process them for a repo anyway.

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