5 Harrison Ford
Harrison Ford, when not playing some of best roles ever seen on screen, is a tireless campaigner for environmental conservation. He is the vice chair of the board of directors for Conservation International, and has received more awards for his conservation work than there are parsecs in the Falcon’s Kessle Run (yes, I just geeked out something fierce). He is the face of CI, but also a constant champion of its efforts behind the scenes.
4 Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods, love him or hate him, is one of the greatest golfers to ever play the game. Maybe the greatest, in fact. But to relax, do you know what the man does? Reads up on the game? Reads anything he can that’s not about the game? Gastronomy? Nope. Spearfishing. That’s right, the Tiger taps his inner shark and goes after fish with a spear gun. So keep that in mind if you’re ever about to do any 18th hole heckling…
3 Rosey Grier
Rosey Grier may not be a well-known name these days, but in the middle to latter half of the 20th century, it was quite the opposite. You may be surprised to know that this individual was as equally famous for needlepoint and macramé(even authoring several books on these hobbies) as he was for being a professional football player. That’s right! ROSEY is a large, imposing man who played in the NFL for more than a decade! He also went on to become an ordained minister, a singer, and (this is where it really gets to the “What the hell have I done with my life?” level) he worked as a body guard and was the man who subdued RFK’s assassin, SirhanSirhan, seconds after the fatal attack, likely protecting many others that terrible night.
2 James Cameron
James Cameron, most famous for producing and directing movies that make more money than the GDP of plural countries combined, is not content to rest on the laurels of fantastically successful career in the film industry — so instead he explores the bottom of the ocean. Cameron is one of only a select few who has been to the deepest known part of the Marianas Trench, which is of course the deepest part of the ocean. In fact, you can count the number of folks who have reached the 6.8 mile depth he did in March of 2012 on one hand.
1 Dolph Lundgen
Dolph Lundgen, most famous for playing Drago, the evil Soviet boxer who nearly bested Sly in Rocky IV, is a certified genius and holds plural advanced degrees. The man’s IQ is 160, which, to put things in perspective, is almost three times a Forest Gump, minus a Sling Blade. Lundgren spent time at the Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm, then got a master’s degree in chemical engineering from the University of Sydney, New South Wales, and then just to prove that he is better than I, was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship to goddamn MIT. And to top it all off, the man can kick things perched on top of people’s heads and bench press small cars (safe bet).
These people really tickle our unfunny bone. As much as we love to laugh, we hate to be disappointed. Standing in front of people takes real brass cajones, even for the lady stand-ups. So, you’ve got to give a little respect either way. But when people this bad are seemingly so courageous, courage may no longer seem like such a desirable attribute. These comedians are more like naked toddlers running into a gunfight with baggies of cheerios. Sure, there’s courage; but what’s the point? We also had to toss a few more infantile comedians your way, just for shits and giggles.
Nice to know there is more to celebrities and sports stars than just the primped and polished personas we see on the red carpet, right? And these folks are surely not the deviations from the norm – all famous and well-to-do people are complex and nuanced human beings, right?