5 Sour Patch Connectors
This off-market sour candy can only be purchased these days in bulk, but that doesn’t make it any less important to couch-based cuisine. Think of this as the dessert of gaming sessions, only about as addictive as heroin. Sugar had to be represented on this list somewhere and Sour Patch Connectors are good for that quick burst of energy that only a fistful of teeth ruiners can deliver. The beauty of SPCs lies in the option of “connecting” various sweet flavors alongside the sour ones. Which means if you play your cards right, one whole bag could be consumed in a real “barrel of monkeys” situation, like slurping a single spaghetti strand from a plate of meatballs. This item gets the number five spot because of what the artificial sour agents will do to the human stomach, but in moderation these little guys are where it’s at.
These puppies get the fourth spot for being pretty messy on the fingers, depending on what sort of seasonings happen to be in play. Nevertheless chips provide a good spackle between bigger meals and are currently the subject of a real flavor renaissance with such conceptual variations as Buffalo Wings and Bacon and Cheddar. Increasingly, eaters want the experience of multi-course dishes without all the laborious preparation, and chips have always been at the forefront of this movement. One day there will be a single chip to rule them all, flavored with all the fixings of a year’s worth of meals. Said chip flavor will be named “Highlander Cream & Onion.”
Quick, tasty, and virtually without residue. Jerky comes in many flavors, and at least two kinds of meats (turkey and beef). Plus all the crude biting and tearing helps gamers connect to an inner-caveman, allowing access to the survival skills and prowess of yore necessary to excel in the high-stakes world of pixel-play. Protein’s an important component of any mental activity, so whether it’s merking aliens or executing precarious leaps, having that animal flesh inside means quick fulfillment with minimal mess. This dried up treat gets the third spot only because it’s less essential to not dying than water, but satisfies as a meal and doesn’t really leave a mess.
Fun is fun, but there’s nothing enjoyable about dehydration especially when it’s so easily avoided. This gets the number two spot for not only being necessary to life, but also because it’s the easiest thing on here to prepare. Though flavorless, and essentially the “library” of consumables (in that it is very boring), staying properly wetted gives players the edge on opponents and offsets the unhealthiness of all these other foods. Preparation is a snap — either head to the tap, or sip from a gallon jug. BONUS: doing the latter will result in a handy-dandy portable toilet to cut down on those pesky bathroom breaks!
For a long time now, this circular, saucy-treat has been the turkey to the Thanksgiving of living room food. Yes, you’ll need to wipe up those hands before faring modern war, but pizza provides the greatest amount of sustenance without the use of utensils and with the added bonus of dipping sauces. Easy to prepare (either order it online, or run it through an oven), video games and pizza go together like cookies and milk. Rather than popping nosh-bits between loading screens, why not take a moment to review strategy and scarf down sausage and cheese and what not. This Italian treat gets the top spot for the amount of serving variety available, and for reigning supreme as the poster food for teen gourmands everywhere.
Think you can cook up a better batch of essential eats? Not likely, but go ahead and slap on a chef’s hat and start listing. That is, if you can tear yourself away from the screen long enough.