Viridiana: There are numerous ways that men and women approach each other, but are pick-up lines ever effective? Or do they simply serve as ice-breakers?
Dr. Emily Morse: Pick-up lines are not usually effective, unless you use them ironically. Whenever you are hitting on women, do not take yourself too seriously. Keep it light and fun. They are more likely to reject you instantly if you say “did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” with a straight face.
V: When it comes to online dating, are there things that one should never include on their online dating profile?
E: Do not include pictures of yourself from 1995 clinging to a red cup. You want to look as good if not better than your picture when you meet your online dating match.
Do not include your novel. Give me a few punchy sentences that don’t make you look pretentious and/or desperate. Unless you are selling your art, do not call yourself an artist.
Do not put that you love hiking if you hate hiking. You will end up on the top of a mountain with a complete stranger.
V: What are some topics that are off-limits on a first date?
E: Your ex and sex. There is no good way to talk about your ex. If you say good things about them you sound like you’re not over them. If you say bad things about them you look bitter, and like you’re not over them.
Don’t venture into relationship speak. Don’t tell them about your future children’s names or call them “babe.” This is a first date, keep it together!
Finally, hold off on talking about your sexual preferences until date three.
V: What advice would you give someone who is having a difficult time approaching women?
E: You have a much better chance of starting an actual conversation if you’re specific and show interest in her as a person, and not just as an object of desire. Even if you don’t immediately comment on her physical appearance, if you use generic conversation starters she’ll assume you’re only talking to her because you want some action.
Ask her opinion on something happening in the venue. If a somewhat familiar song starts playing on the radio, ask if she knows who the artist is. Ask her questions and really listen to what she has to say. Then respond just as if you’re talking to a friend. If she gives you short answers and is avoiding eye contact, respectfully end the conversation and introduce yourself to someone else. If things are going well, try to keep the conversation going as long as possible before asking her out. Tell her you’d love to continue talking to her, would she like to grab coffee sometime? It’s that simple.
Remember, the worst thing that can happen when you approach women is you get rejected. Pick up the pieces of your broken heart, and try again. Smile and see what happens. You’ll never know if you don’t put yourself out there.
V: People seem to meet potential mates just about anywhere, but is there such a thing as a good and bad place to meet men or women? If so, where should one steer clear from while looking for love?
E: The best place to find a potential mate is doing an activity that you love. I always tell people to do what they love and the rest will follow. You have a much better chance making a relationship last with someone who shares the same interests as you. If you love hiking, go to meet-ups where people trailblaze together. If you love a local band, attend their shows and mingle with the other fans. If you love to paint, take a community class and ask the attractive person next to you what their favorite brush stroke is.
Remember, there is no right or wrong place to meet someone. It’s not less romantic because you met online or bad that you met someone at a party. Don’t disregard a potential relationship because the meeting wasn’t straight out of a Nicholas Sparks’ book.
V: What advice in general would you give anyone looking for a potential mate, whether it is online or when out on the town?
E: Be open-minded. People get obsessed with a certain type of person. That’s why we end up repeating the same relationship patterns and mistakes over and over again. Don’t make an assumption about someone until you have a conversation with them.
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