The scandal that was dubbed Weinergate back in 2011 has reared its ugly head (pun intended) once again, as Weiner’s attempt at redemption in the New York mayoral race has been derailed by even more allegations of his avid dong-pic exploits. This man is truly the perv that keeps on giving.
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Say what you will about Anthony Weiner, but when it comes down to it, he is a government man through and through. After all, the duties of those in government are first and foremost, to provide a public service, and there’s no denying that Mr. Weiner has done us all a great service by providing us with a scandal that is amazing on so many levels.
So it turns out that Anthony Weiner’s wiener isn’t just making women uncomfortable, it’s making them famous. Sydney Leathers, the woman involved in Weiner’s latest filthy texting scandal, hit the beach recently for a staged bikini photo shoot. Apparently, she was looking for more exposure; though judging from the photos it’s hard to say why. The 23-year-old Ms. Leathers even took a meeting with the head of porn mega-giant Vivid Video. She’s already got the name for it, and you know how the old saying goes; “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em and get paid to beat ‘em.”
There are few things that Americans admire more than a man who refuses to quit. And while in the literal sense, it seems like Anthony Weiner will lay down for anyone, metaphorically speaking Anthony Weiner won’t lay down for anyone! In spite of these new allegations against him and even in the face of his campaign manager’s recent departure, Anthony Weiner still refuses to drop out of the mayoral race. He has a goal and he’s sticking to it, even if staying in the race means tarnishing himself, his family and the good Weiner name.
Even if nothing else came from these allegations, even if they were blatant lies that turned out to have absolutely no factual basis, this whole thing would have still been worth it simply for the fact that it introduced the world to the cubicle guy. It’s hard to say for sure what’s the funniest part about this incident; is it him randomly appearing in the background like a curious, gray-haired prairie dog? Or, is it the fact that when staging an important press conference the Weiner campaign felt no need to spring for a curtain and instead just shot it on what appears to be the set of NBC’s The Office? In fact, that could be Creed.
You just know that every host in late night television had to be absolutely giddy when they heard Anthony Weiner’s photogenic junk was back in the news. And this time around the seemingly impossible happened—the sequel was even better than the original. The Daily Show’s interim host John Oliver absolutely slayed Weiner, mostly railing on his impossibly spectacular online alias, “Carlos Danger” (Jon Stewart has to be furious that he’s missing this), while the guys over at Conan worked sudden appearances of cubicle guy into Conan’s top of the show monologue.
So what’s the very best part of this whole ridiculous ordeal to date? It’s that Anthony Weiner still won’t definitively say whether he’s actually stopped sexting! In a recent sit-down with the New York Daily News, when asked if he was “sexting currently,” Weiner’s only response was this hilariously vague statement: “You can quibble about beginnings, middles and ends, but what we’re talking about is over a year ago.” So, essentially this guy just said, “Well, I won’t say yes and I won’t say no. But I WILL say that I haven’t sent pictures of my man-meat to THAT lady in like a year, so… I think that about wraps it up.”