We all put up with a lot in relationships. After all, that’s the whole point: it’s about give and take, for better or for worse. But certain actions break the bond of trust and respect, and signal the end. It might not mean actually breaking up, but chances are it’ll at least trigger an emotional disconnect that may well be irreparable.
5 Intellectual Disconnect
While you might be able to overcome the fact that neither of you are physically perfect, it’s really hard to get past it when you just don’t connect mentally. If your values are different, your opinions clash, and your interests don’t even remotely intersect, you’re working without a full tool chest. It’s really hard to carry on a conversation with a person you’ve got nothing in common with and can’t relate to intellectually. So if all you’ve got is physical attraction for each other, it might be a great and satisfying fling, but it’s likely a deal breaker as far as a real relationship goes.
Lying is part of the equation in many of the top deal breakers, so of course it has to stand on its own as well. Nobody can respect or trust you if you make a habit of making things up. And even if your lies are never discovered, you know about it; and not only does it usually lead to more, but it affects how you relate to your loved one overall. Do little white lies and lies of omission count? Well, that depends whether you’re doing it for the good of your partner — like you don’t want to spoil his surprise birthday party, or you want her to feel attractive — or to deceive.
A surprising number of relationships survive cheating, but often that’s because the partner doesn’t find out. Or sometimes they might suspect something, but it’s less painful to be in denial. Nineteen percent of women and 23 percent of men admit to straying, according to a study conducted by Indiana University in Bloomington. Men are usually more driven by physical satisfaction, while women often seek an emotional connection. But, either way, it represents checking out of your relationship — and, on some level, whether you get caught or not, you’ve broken the deal. Oh, and by the way, 85 percent of women and 74 percent of men say sexting counts, according to a Huffington Post/YouGov poll.
2 Name Calling
The occasional slip during an argument might be accepted by your partner, who then likely gives it right back. But regular name calling, criticisms or other verbal putdowns are among the hardest hurdles to overcome in a relationship. While some say verbal abuse isn’t as bad as physical violence, many who have been through it says it’s just as bad, if not worse. You might not drive your partner away immediately by being obnoxious, but you can bet that you will become a disgusting, undesirable monster in his or her eyes — and that’s really hard to let go of.
Getting physical in a relationship should refer to kissing, cuddling, and sex — not violence. Hitting’s not cool, and punching is even less cool. We all know this, right? And yet, stats show us that almost 1.5 million people a year are assaulted by their partners. 85 percent of domestic violence victims in the U.S. are women, and 25 percent of women will have a run-in with it at some point during her lifetime. And while many don’t leave the relationship right away, for financial or self-esteem reasons, make no mistake: it’s still a deal breaker. Let your fist rule, and it’s only a matter of time before something comes crashing down.