Top 5 Reasons the Super Bowl is the Male Version of Valentine’s Day

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These two holidays either work together or against each other. I don’t usually gender generalize, but … the Super Bowl is to men as Valentine’s Day is to women. The timing of it all really raises the stakes. Romance vs. Football, the great battle of February. It might be safe to say feelings about romantic love are similar to feelings about football.

5 A Happy Ending

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Let’s all be honest, male or female you are counting on the action between the sheets on Valentine’s Day to commemorate the occasion. This is the cherry on top of all the hard work and planning. The Super Bowl really isn’t any different. Commiserate when they lose, then a pity blowjob eases hurt feelings. Or prepare for a drunken victory romp if they win. It’s really part of the whole evening that should be shared with the one that means the most. Or the one who’s going to clean the melted cheese off the coffee table.

4 Fancy Attire

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For Valentine’s Day it’s about packaging and costume changes. For dinner, it’s Sunday’s best, and then for dessert, it’s – well … you know, delicate, lacy, and probably the only time besides an anniversary that you’ll see it. The Super Bowl has a slightly different dress code, as it’s a day to celebrate all sorts of manliness, no matter how ridiculous. Please note the cheese hats. How is this masculine? Between face/body painting, costumes, and the emotional unrest … it sounds a lot like drag show.

3 Emotions Run High

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Mood swings are hard enough to deal with before you add the excessive drinking, which tends to happen during both the Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day – beer and wine respectively. Everything has to be perfect. She’ll get heated if you lose the table you made reservations for three weeks ago, even if she’s the one that makes you late. On the flip side, heaven forbid you miss kickoff, even though he was in charge of getting the directions. Bad calls by officials are as bad as receiving the wrong kind of chocolate. Women cry over a lost love after too much wine, while a lot of men look for a warm maternal lap to sob into after a big upset.

2 No One Wants to be Alone

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I probably don’t need to explain why being a single female on Valentine’s Day isn’t ideal so I’ll just skip to the football part. No dude wants to be alone on Super Bowl Sunday … who’s he going to kiss after the game winning touch down? Who’s going to drive him home when he imbibes a little too much? Who’s going to keep the queso dip warm? Who will be there to go to the store when the beer runs out if she’s not there? Win or lose, it’s a very emotional time for American men, and they need a lady to stand by them.

1 Special Plans

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Valentine’s Day, he had better get it covered so she knows just how special she is: flowers, chocolate, special cards, small packages, balloons, candy grams, extra fancy restaurant reservations. Super Bowl, all day she fawns over him: displaying preferred colors, guacamole from scratch, cleaning up beer cans and other stickiness, transforming her home into a frat house, taking a knee on any and all arguments, toting around a crock pot of Swedish meatballs to a boys club, chaperoning a party of grown men acting like 8-year-olds who’ve had too much sugar.

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