5 iPhone 3GS
The third incarnation of the iPhone brings us the 3GS. The big addition to the new model is the capacity to shoot video. No longer did your friends have to settle for still shots of your children or the meal you were about to eat. The quality of the still camera and the overall power of the phone was also increased by 33%. Oh, and did I mention the 3GS was available in both Black and White? Is there nothing Steve Jobs can’t do? OK, besides that… Too soon by the way. Too Soon.
4 iPhone 4
The iPhone 4 was the first iPhone to break the 1GHz mark. What does that mean? If you were Tim Allen in the early 90s you would be wildly grunting and then doing a huge rail of coke. OK, one of those at least. With more power come more features like a flash for the camera and a camera on the front side of the phone. Now programs like Facetime and Skype are easy to use. So easy you have to be careful telling the little woman you are putting in extra hours at the office when you are drinking with the boys at Larry’s House of Pole.
3 iPhone 4S
For four long years we suffered through having to type our searches and desires into our phones like common serfs of the 2000s. But that problem was solved in 2011 with the release of the iPhone 4S and Siri. Now with the press of a button you could search for the nearest adult book store, plot directions and clear your schedule for the next two hours. I am sure there are other things Siri is capable of, I just can’t figure out what those things are yet. The only other difference between the iPhone 4 and 4S is 3 grams in weight. I’m not calling Siri fat, but you have to account for the new tonnage somehow.
2 iPhone 5
The iPhone had a bit of a growth spurt from the 4S to the 5 and went from a 3.5” display to a full 4”. And not content with redesigning the phone itself Apple also introduced the EarPods. They are ear buds that are actually ear shaped. And if your mind isn’t totally blown already, they now plug in on the bottom. The 8 Megapixel rear camera shoots in full 1080 HD which means that stand alone camera you bought last year is worthless. Sorry. But the biggest feature of the iPhone 5 is that it runs on a 4G network. Internet connectivity runs at more than 10 times the speed of 3G networks.
By today’s standards, Star Wars IV: A New Hope isn’t a technological masterpiece. After more than 40 years the special effects could be improved upon with any $200 laptop you buy on Black Friday. But, what the movie did to expand the genre and film making in general is still felt today. By today’s standards the original iPhone isn’t a sophisticated piece of technology. But what that phone could do in 2007 set a new standard for the market and forced all other companies to bring the innovation or fall by the wayside.
Although Apple accounts for roughly 1% of the Smart phones released, they account for more that 12% of all cellular consumers in the United States. No matter what your feelings toward Apple Fanboys are, I would keep it to yourself because there are a lot of them and God forbid you disparage the great fruit or any of its products because they will come at you with all the fury that can possibly be mustered behind an ironic mustache. If you don’t think this list would be approved by the mighty Jobs himself, prove me wrong.