5 Deacon Frost Becomes the Blood God, Blade (1998)
Stephen Dorff’s slick and menacing vampire baddie has his final confrontation with Wesley Snipes vamp half-breed master slayer while being bonded to La Magra, a powerful entity of… well, globs and globs of CGI blood apparently, which enables Dorff to become a veritable blood geyser then reform when Snipes cuts him in half, only to be undone by a series of well-administered hypodermic shots.
4 Wolvie Takes on Silver Samurai, the Wolverine (2013)
Most of this summer’s The Wolverine is an action-packed, atmospheric, well-written and acted character piece steered by what is possibly Hugh Jackman’s finest turn as everyone’s favorite immortal Canadian. By the end, however, it devolves into schlocky late 90s/early 2000s comic flick territory thanks to its thoroughly uninteresting villains bolstered by cheesy CGI. The capper is a battle with an unconvincing, shimmering, giant metal warrior who turns out to be piloted by an old ally of Wolverine’s.
3 Rick and Im-Ho-Tep vs. The Scorpion King, The Mummy Returns (2001)
Bear in mind the author of this article was a teenaged lad when he first viewed this film in theaters, and technology was more than a decade behind where it is today. That in mind, know that even then the author was aware this was some of the most poorly executed computer imagery he ever did or ever would see, all wrapped around the spectacle of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson with a half-scorpion body.
2 The Turtles Vs. Super Shredder, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret Of The Ooze (1991)
This is a fond memory. Being the age we were, most of us did not realize how much worse a film this was than its still solid predecessor. We just knew, more mutants, more ninjas, Vanilla Ice and a Super Shredder equaled success to our not yet fully formed minds. When Shredhead gets a hold of the same mutagen that morphed the Turtles, he is transformed into an intimidating hulk (even his costume spikes mutate!), for a good thirty seconds before collapsing a pier on himself.
1 The Warden, Riki-OH: The Story Of Ricky (1991)
If you have not seen this film, do so immediately. Based on a manga concerning a wrongfully imprisoned man’s violent life on the inside, this absurdly funny gorefest is a masterpiece of WTF. Our hero Riki punches through heads and walls as he topples the prison’s hierarchy before eventually coming face to face with the corrupt warden. If this final fight scene does not sell you, then there’s not much hope for you.
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