Pepper Spray-bies: 5 Reasons the NYPD Pepper-Sprayed Babies

Image credit: Flickr by Rollinggrck
A New York woman is less than pleased with New York’s Finest. Marilyn Taylor is suing the city, the NYPD, and several individual officers that she claims pepper-sprayed herself, her husband, and their children, which included a 5-month old and a two-year old. The officers confronted Taylor when they thought she and her family skipped out on paying a subway fare, and that somehow escalated to breaking out the pepper-spray. So what on earth was it that prompted the police to use such force? Time will tell once this goes to court, but in the mean time we, should all consider what the babies may have done to provoke such actions.

5 Unpaid Parking Tickets

What if these were no regular babies at all? What if they were actually notorious lawbreakers who time and time again have left their strollers, walkers and bouncy swings unattended at marked red curbs, in front of driveways, and in handicapped parking spots? Maybe these cops were just dishing out the justice that the convoluted American court system had failed to for too long. Sometimes a man has got to do what he believes is right and just… and sometimes that means pepper-spraying a baby.

4 Grabby Hands

Let’s face it; babies can be kind of grabby. They pick up or wrap their little hands around anything that’s in their vicinity, usually with the intention of then shoving it in their mouth. And if there’s one civil servant you shouldn’t be too grabby around, it’s the boys in blue. If those babies were reaching their chubby fingers out toward the police it could have easily been construed as an attempt to seize their sidearms, leaving them no choice but to subdue the tiny pilferers with searing pepper spray.

3 Questionable Clothes

If recent news stories featuring excessively violent overreactions have taught us anything, it’s that wearing a particular kind of clothing can evidently make you much more dangerous and intimidating to authority figures. Could it have been that these babies were completely innocent and had done nothing wrong? Sure. But once the cops saw them in those tiny, black hoodies, they instantly became suspects in a crime yet to be determined, and it was on. If you don’t want to get sprayed in the eyeballs, stop dressing like a thug-baby.

2 Aggressive Behavior

Nothing will attract the attention of the police faster than aggressive public behavior. The mother of the children is claiming complete innocence, but why wouldn’t she? She’s their mother. A baby can do no wrong in Mom’s eyes. But what if these babies were doing something that completely warranted the pepper spray? For all we know they had ganged up on another baby and were shaking him down for a Ziploc baggy full of Cheerios. Baby on baby crime cannot continue to go unpunished.

1 Suspicious Rattles

While it hardly seems okay that the police would resort to using pepper spray while even in the vicinity of young children, it is possible that these babies had suspicious toys on their person. Many cases of past police violence have been attributed to officers mistaking something for a weapon, so maybe these babies had rattles that looked suspiciously like hand grenades. Or what if their bottles and burp cloths looked like Molotov cocktails? Hey, it’s possible.
Next: The Top 5 Most Amazingly Old Things on Earth