5 The Emotional Swing
Drowning is terrible… but Supermodels are wonderful. The rush of adrenaline you would experience while going from fighting off your impending death to finding yourself in the arms of a former Sports Illustrates Swimsuit cover model is unfathomable. It would have to be like skydiving on steroids while fist-fighting Mr. T. You’d experience every extreme of every emotion possible within a matter of seconds, resulting in a high that even the world’s finest drugs could never duplicate.
4 The “Meet Cute”
There’s a phenomenon, existing mostly in film and TV, where boy meets girl in the most remarkable and adorable of circumstances, and they live happily ever after. And while the “meet cute” is rare in real life, few situations would give you the chance quite like a near drowning that ended with one of the most beautiful women in the world pulling you to safety. But before you hit the beach, be sure to finely sculpt your core. After all, Heidi Klum isn’t going to find herself suddenly smitten with some schlub with a spare tire.
3 The Dead Fish
If you’ve ever seen “The Sandlot,” (and if you haven’t, you shouldn’t consider yourself a true American) then you know all about the legendary move that Michael “Squints” Palledorous pulled at the public pool. Sick of being visually tormented by leggy local lifeguard Wendy Peffercorn, the pre-pubescent boy pretended to drown, only to turn her desperate CPR efforts into the kiss he’d always desperately pined for. It may not be the most admirable way to lock lips with the woman of your dreams, but hey, it gets the job done.
2 The “Accidental” Grab
Look, this isn’t to say getting all pervy is acceptable, okay? But theoretically, if you were thrashing about in the water and supermodel Heidi Klum came to your aid, it’s a very real possibility that some things may inadvertently get touched. Remember though, this woman is saving your life, so play it cool and aloof. If you get too grabby there’s a good chance she might just throw your ass right back into the riptide. Though you’ll certainly have gone out on a high note.
1 The Story
There is perhaps no greater significance to any event happening in your life than if it’s one you can constantly recount and rub in your friends’ faces. For now, you’ll have to keep telling the stories of that one time you supposedly dunked or the day your daughter was born, but what if Heidi Klum rescued you from drowning? You can bet that other crap would go right out the window and that would be your go-to story for your remaining days on this Earth.