5 Worst Places to Be if Zombies Attack

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Zombie attack. Never gonna happen, right? If you think it’s so unlikely, why are FEMA and the CDC suggesting preparedness guidelines in the event of a “zombie apocalypse?” As important as it may be to stock up on all the most important survival equipment and anti-zombie supplies—machete, anyone?—one of the simplest ways to keep your brains out of a zombie’s mouth is to not be caught in the wrong place. Avoid these zombie traps, and you’ll be fine. Probably.

5 Canada

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Although the Canadian Parliament and Foreign Minister have pledged to stand firm against zombies and the potential for a continental pandemic, the cold weather in northern latitudes will slow the decay rate of the undead, and at the same time, help to slow down their potential victims. For all the bluster and preparedness exercises, such as the one planned by the Quebec provincial government, Canada is not the place to weather a zombie outbreak. Think South!

4 Hospitals

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When a zombie outbreak occurs, the first place the undead will end up—while they’re still just dead, or infected with an unknown illness that soon-to-be-zombie doctors simply have to study—is the local clinic. Then they will die, reanimate and infect everyone in the cramped, infected quarters. Moreover, as new people arrive, they too will be zombiefied. It’s a critical mass, zombie snowball effect. If you cut yourself, stitch it up with a needle and thread. Don’t go to the hospital!

3 Urban Areas

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In cases of widespread outbreaks or pandemics, such as that portrayed in the “Walking Dead” television series, cities are very bad places to be. Disease spreads fast in urban areas because of crowded conditions. The same goes for zombie-ism. If you find yourself in downtown Chicago during a zombie outbreak, head for Iowa. Fast.

2 Rooftops

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The tops of buildings are a mixed bag when it comes to a zombie attack. While they provide good protection and are easily defensible—at first—they inevitably become an exposed trap. Once you’re out of anti-zombie ammo, they’ll know where you are. Then, they’ll just out-wait you or storm the building. You’ll have no place to go, no place to hide and suffer from exposure to the elements. You will regret the day you ever saw that door with the “Rooftop Access” sign.

1 Cemeteries, Morgues and Mausoleums

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The dead have been re-animated and have come back to feast on the brains of the living. But where do the dead come from? If they’re not victims of some sort of disease or recent zombie attack, they come from the places where the dead are stored. Over and over again, throughout the zombie canon—all the way back to the original “Night of the Living Dead”—we see pale hands thrust up through the mud of boneyards. Ground zero for zombies. On the other hand, they usually clear out of such places pretty fast. Once the undead are gone, a morgue may not be a bad place to hide out.

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