5 Leg Warmers
Apparently everyone in the 1980s had cold ankles and wrists. That is the only logical explanation, because why the hell else would people have been prancing around in public and on television screens wearing leg warmers and huge fluffy wrist bands all the time? Not because it was such a strange, backward decade clothing-wise that people actually thought leg warmers were somehow edgy and cool, right? Right!? Their ankles were all cold, that’s all.
4 Parachute Pants
Parachute pants are great to have on if you happen to fall out of a plane, but they are not so great to wear down on land. Why? Because they look so very, very stupid. Not even MC Hammer could make the effrontery of these billowy breeches cool, and he was freakin’ MC Hammer! For some reason, in the 1980s the mere fact of clothing being different – being extremely different – was enough to make it seem cool. The trends came and went quickly, at least, because like we said, if MC Hammer can’t make something universally awesome, it just ain’t that awesome.
3 Gold Chains, Clocks, Earrings Hanging from Earrings
Having a whole bunch of dangly crap hanging off you was just the pinnacle of cool in the 80s. From Madonna to Mr. T, it seemed like no one who was in the public eye could be as such without a whole bunch of crap just, dangling! Gold chains, clocks, earrings hanging from earrings! It’s amazing a whole generation of wacky fashonistas wasn’t sucked into more compressor units and pedestal fans.
2 Shoulder pads … Shoulder Pads
Who the hell fell asleep at the switch and let people start to think that having huge shoulder pads was anywhere near a good fashion move? Yet from rockers to Princess Di to everyone in between, people rocked those things with pride like some latter-day epaulets. This was largely a female fashion phenomenon, possibly spurred onward by the now-debunked notion that men are attracted to women dressed like linebackers.
1 Teased Hair
Teased Hair Looks Gross, Smells Weird, and is Like Touching a Wiry Nest of Glue. But don’t tell that to anyone when you get out of your time machine circa 1986. Men and women alike were spraying countless ounces of Aqua Net and Finesse into their distressed locks trying to create “volume” but instead creating “ugly.”
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