5 Relationship “Hacks”: How to Get Your BF/GF To Do What You Want

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Every healthy relationship is formed on a basis of give and take ““ you give and they take, right? If you feel like you’re always the one doing the dishes/handing over the remote/weeping in the corner after being screamed at for hours, then it’s time for you to take back some of the control in your relationship! And you don’t have to do it by being forceful or domineering: You can subtly shift the power balance in your favor using a few tricks borrowed from psychology. And Machiavelli, kinda.

5 Get What You Want by Only Proposing Options That Would Satisfy You

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If you always pick the restaurant/activity/etc. and don’t want to come across as bossy, then pick a few options, all of which you are fine with, and then make the other person feel empowered by choosing one of your choices. “œI don’t want to decide tonight, I want you to: Why don’t you pick between Mexican, sushi or pizza?”for example. All those foods? Winners.

4 Being Proactive

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You can guide the “œgive and take”of any relationship by being proactive. If there are chores you don’t mind, offer to handle them and make it clear you are doing so, as in saying “œWhy don’t I take care of folding the laundry so you don’t have to,”rather than just doing what you were about to do anyway. That way, you can also say “œAnd while I’m doing that, maybe you could clean up all the crumbs/hair/bottles/wads of gum you left around?”

3 Break Up Routines/Patterns to Avoid Chores

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Whether you and your partner are stuck in a rut, or if you’re just sick of always having to clean up after dinner, surprise your partner with a night out even when there’s no special occasion, or just order in/take out. But don’t ask permission or make a plan first, just do it. You’ll get credit for the surprise, and won’t be left with dishes to clean. You can use the “œcredit”you earned the next day (or soon after) and therefore will have twice interrupted a pattern, starting to break it.

2 Making Plans Without Fully Informing Your Partner

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Often one partner likes to plan everything out, while the other either values spontaneity or simply does not like to feel constrained. Regardless of which you are, making plans without fully informing your partner can allow you to conduct your lives together as you want. If you value plans, you just need to make more than one set of plans that would satisfy you (for a given weekend or evening, we mean, not for big picture life plans), then arrange for at least one of them to seem spur of the moment and exciting. If you value spontaneity, make loose, general plans that can easily change and/or fall apart, such as picking an area of a city or town to visit, but not what to do once there ““ or a group of people to see, but not what to do with them.

1 Flowers and Chocolate

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Flowers and chocolate (or other candy) and/or wine can go a long way toward smoothing over a rough patch or earning a surplus of goodwill. For around ten bucks you should be able to get a simple bouquet, something sweet and a moderately drinkable bottle of wine. Even for those on a budget, these classic gifts are an affordable way to launch a charm offensive.

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